In these times of hard saving, its worth noting that living on £14 a week isn't big, nor is it clever. It is however very necessary in order to maintain the flow of savings into my account so that I can eventually go on this dubai holiday in June.
However popping the christmas money into the account always helps to bolster the funds slightly, and all contributions are gratefully received.
Only two days left at work this week, and then i get three days off, yay! Although i will be required to surafce rather early on two of those three days, which is not so good, and will probably leave me rather tired and more than a little bit cranky. Always a nice feeling to wake up and realise that despite having already done a hard days graft at t'mill you only have the two days left.
That about sums up my mornings rambling, so i'm off to do something else, then go to work
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Hermit's very rarely surface
Contrary to popular belief, i'm not dead, nor have i been abducted by little green men in flying saucers, no i'm still here.
I've been having a break from all things internet recently and have retreated away for several days to just "get away" as i don't get much time off from work, and decided this time for the 4 days i did have off, i'd make the most of it and basically sleep as much as possible, but aside from that, vegetate and relax.
I think with the hectic shape of life as it is at the moment, none of us really relax as much as we'd like, culminating in lots of sick days. Just my thought. I don't do sick days, as i don't believe in having the day off as sick unless i'm a: in a hospital, or b: at home, but so ill i either don't know where i am, or so ill i can't physically get out of bed, which may explain why two days after i'd sprained me foot a while back, i hopped up and went back to work only to find four days later my foot decided to let me know in no uncertain terms it wasn't fully healed yet, and kept me up all night in pain. I had the next two days off.
Today i return to work and will probably regret it later, but still, only three days this week and then i get two possibly three off, so it shouldn't be too bad.
Have fun, and a furthur announcement will follow shortly, we thank you for your patience
I've been having a break from all things internet recently and have retreated away for several days to just "get away" as i don't get much time off from work, and decided this time for the 4 days i did have off, i'd make the most of it and basically sleep as much as possible, but aside from that, vegetate and relax.
I think with the hectic shape of life as it is at the moment, none of us really relax as much as we'd like, culminating in lots of sick days. Just my thought. I don't do sick days, as i don't believe in having the day off as sick unless i'm a: in a hospital, or b: at home, but so ill i either don't know where i am, or so ill i can't physically get out of bed, which may explain why two days after i'd sprained me foot a while back, i hopped up and went back to work only to find four days later my foot decided to let me know in no uncertain terms it wasn't fully healed yet, and kept me up all night in pain. I had the next two days off.
Today i return to work and will probably regret it later, but still, only three days this week and then i get two possibly three off, so it shouldn't be too bad.
Have fun, and a furthur announcement will follow shortly, we thank you for your patience
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Partly cloudy and very cold
So says forecast fox, an excellent little plugin for firefox which dougal alerted me to, which will tell you what the weather is doing round your area now, tonight, tomorrow, next week, whatever you ask it to do. In case you are interested you can find the relevant information here.
Considering its so damn cold out, you'd have thought my work may have had the sense to have a half decent repair policy for the central heating system for when it breaks down. Like today, when it did...and nobody seems able to work out exactly what we are supposed to do with a broken boiler. My suggestion of calling a repairman out asap went unheeded, and i ended up sitting there wishing i wasn't. I tell you know, if its this cold out tomorrow and some half dead repairman hasn't been out to fix it, im gonna do as little as possible and then come home, citing health and safety law as the reason behind it. And yes i do work on a saturday, normally only about 4 hours, but i do. And only every other saturday at that.... who shouted lazy bastard?!?! I'll see you after, take that man's name Wilson.
And on a final note before your concentration dwindles away to nothing, i've come up with not just one but two sketch characters for a show, if it ever gets written that is...
There's northern bastard, who is best described as a cantankerous git who is permantly angry and wants to put the world straight, and says "bastard" a lot, with a strong northern accent and plenty of emphasis. Wears flat cap and has a pipe, looks a lot like that photoshopped picture of dougal i did a while back
Secondly we have Jean-Claude, the french art student (complete with wonky beret) who insists that everything about france is great, and all art should be upheld as wonderful, especially his own and he "reserves ze right to smack you on ze bonce if you do not appreciate ze art".
Must dash, i've got an appointment with a bed i don't want to miss
Considering its so damn cold out, you'd have thought my work may have had the sense to have a half decent repair policy for the central heating system for when it breaks down. Like today, when it did...and nobody seems able to work out exactly what we are supposed to do with a broken boiler. My suggestion of calling a repairman out asap went unheeded, and i ended up sitting there wishing i wasn't. I tell you know, if its this cold out tomorrow and some half dead repairman hasn't been out to fix it, im gonna do as little as possible and then come home, citing health and safety law as the reason behind it. And yes i do work on a saturday, normally only about 4 hours, but i do. And only every other saturday at that.... who shouted lazy bastard?!?! I'll see you after, take that man's name Wilson.
And on a final note before your concentration dwindles away to nothing, i've come up with not just one but two sketch characters for a show, if it ever gets written that is...
There's northern bastard, who is best described as a cantankerous git who is permantly angry and wants to put the world straight, and says "bastard" a lot, with a strong northern accent and plenty of emphasis. Wears flat cap and has a pipe, looks a lot like that photoshopped picture of dougal i did a while back
Secondly we have Jean-Claude, the french art student (complete with wonky beret) who insists that everything about france is great, and all art should be upheld as wonderful, especially his own and he "reserves ze right to smack you on ze bonce if you do not appreciate ze art".
Must dash, i've got an appointment with a bed i don't want to miss
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Breathe easy, it's never as bad as it seems
After completely winding meself up yesterday because me computer refused to complete a simple operation succesfully, and thus buggered the rest of the evening up for me whilst i sorted it out, it has now been done and everything within the world is right again.
There are now officially more parcels coming into this house than at any other time of the year. Admittedly most of them are for me, with christmas gifts for the family in, but its always interesting to see somebody elses parcel arrive. You always get that nosy feeling, and peer all round the parcel in a mostly futile attempt to decern what it contains.
I managed to catch one parcel bloke in the act of delivey, but missed another one due to the complete farce i had down the doctors trying to collect a prescription. Not something i usually have a problem with, as its a simple enough task, but today was not so easy....
Wandering into the doctors and up to the pharmacy i asked to collect my prescription, saying that it would be a large one, and would therefore most likely be either off to one side, or kept with other large orders. Lady behind the counter duly nipped off and scrabbled round on the floor for five minutes before reappearing and saying "Sorry, i can't seem to find it, i'll have a look in the small section", heaving a large sigh i watched as she dragged a stacker box out from under the counter and proceeded to drag all these little paper bags out. Bearing in mind my prescription contained upwards of 30 items, the chances of it all fitting in a small paper bag were remote to say the least.
Managing to discover that the box did not contain the said prescription, she now proceeds to duck back under the counter before popping up several feet furthur along it and muttering under her breath. "Any joy?" i enquire trying not to sound annoyed, as this has now taken 10 minutes, and i haven't had any lunch yet and need to be at work within about 40 minutes. "Not yet, im just rechecking these on the floor" comes the reply. I rest my head on one hand on the counter and prepare myself for a long wait thinking they've either not ordered it, or lost it, which would not please me at all as i need some of that medication today...
"I'll just check the computer" she says hurrying off to jab at some poor keyboard or other. Coming back several minutes later from somewhere she informs me that yes it was ordered and it "should be around here somewhere". By this stage 15 mins has elapsed and im starting to think this may have not been a good idea. Drafting in extra help from other nurses behind the counter, it eventually transpires that mine has been placed off to one side, errrr right then, so i wasn't far off with "most likely be....off to one side".
A slightly more muted sigh this time as the bag is handed to the head pharmacist to check that all is present and correct, which after she's been off to get the insulin from the fridge, she duly informs me it is, apart from one antibiotic which they haven't managed to get. Bearing in mind that i was told this order would be complete yesterday when i handed the thing in on monday, i was not best pleased with this gem of news. Noting that i've now spent 20 minutes standing there, i decide what the hell, lets round it up to half an hour. Taking the bag and peering diligently into it for a minute, i ask where the 'dnase' is, and that i can't see the repeat prescription for ordering next time. "Oh, err just a minute" off she pops.
Returned a full minute later she tells me, that the 'dnase' was never down to be ordered and repeat prescriptions have nothing to do with them, i'll need to go back to the main reception and speak to one of them. This is news to me, as i remember paying special attention to ticking everything twice, including the 'dnase', and as for the repeat ones, "they've always manged to put one in before, whats changed?" "I've no idea, as far as i know its nothing to do with us"
Great, so now i have to go to the main reception for two things, a repeat prescription and a second prescription for reordering what didn't get ordered the first time round. Glancing at me watch and seeing i've now spent 32 minutes in here and haven't got time to piss around, i leave, rather annoyed that such a simple thing as ordering whats been ticked on a piece of paper, then reprinting a new piece of paper for future ordering can be made quite so complicated.
Returning home i cooked sausages in 4 minutes and gobbled some precooked vege that i had left keeping hot down all in under 5 minutes. Got to work late, apologised and stayed over to make the time back and keep everybody happy.
Never mind though, everything is ok now, mother has said she will graciously pop in and grab these prescription's for me tomorrow, instead of me having to go down and do it meself, as she's going down anyway for christmas shopping purposes. I'd be lost without her i swear...
Deep Dish - Say Hello, great little choon, used on the latest bacardi advert with loads of people wearing costumes going to a party, well worth listening to. Im off to relax and then go to bed, have fun
There are now officially more parcels coming into this house than at any other time of the year. Admittedly most of them are for me, with christmas gifts for the family in, but its always interesting to see somebody elses parcel arrive. You always get that nosy feeling, and peer all round the parcel in a mostly futile attempt to decern what it contains.
I managed to catch one parcel bloke in the act of delivey, but missed another one due to the complete farce i had down the doctors trying to collect a prescription. Not something i usually have a problem with, as its a simple enough task, but today was not so easy....
Wandering into the doctors and up to the pharmacy i asked to collect my prescription, saying that it would be a large one, and would therefore most likely be either off to one side, or kept with other large orders. Lady behind the counter duly nipped off and scrabbled round on the floor for five minutes before reappearing and saying "Sorry, i can't seem to find it, i'll have a look in the small section", heaving a large sigh i watched as she dragged a stacker box out from under the counter and proceeded to drag all these little paper bags out. Bearing in mind my prescription contained upwards of 30 items, the chances of it all fitting in a small paper bag were remote to say the least.
Managing to discover that the box did not contain the said prescription, she now proceeds to duck back under the counter before popping up several feet furthur along it and muttering under her breath. "Any joy?" i enquire trying not to sound annoyed, as this has now taken 10 minutes, and i haven't had any lunch yet and need to be at work within about 40 minutes. "Not yet, im just rechecking these on the floor" comes the reply. I rest my head on one hand on the counter and prepare myself for a long wait thinking they've either not ordered it, or lost it, which would not please me at all as i need some of that medication today...
"I'll just check the computer" she says hurrying off to jab at some poor keyboard or other. Coming back several minutes later from somewhere she informs me that yes it was ordered and it "should be around here somewhere". By this stage 15 mins has elapsed and im starting to think this may have not been a good idea. Drafting in extra help from other nurses behind the counter, it eventually transpires that mine has been placed off to one side, errrr right then, so i wasn't far off with "most likely be....off to one side".
A slightly more muted sigh this time as the bag is handed to the head pharmacist to check that all is present and correct, which after she's been off to get the insulin from the fridge, she duly informs me it is, apart from one antibiotic which they haven't managed to get. Bearing in mind that i was told this order would be complete yesterday when i handed the thing in on monday, i was not best pleased with this gem of news. Noting that i've now spent 20 minutes standing there, i decide what the hell, lets round it up to half an hour. Taking the bag and peering diligently into it for a minute, i ask where the 'dnase' is, and that i can't see the repeat prescription for ordering next time. "Oh, err just a minute" off she pops.
Returned a full minute later she tells me, that the 'dnase' was never down to be ordered and repeat prescriptions have nothing to do with them, i'll need to go back to the main reception and speak to one of them. This is news to me, as i remember paying special attention to ticking everything twice, including the 'dnase', and as for the repeat ones, "they've always manged to put one in before, whats changed?" "I've no idea, as far as i know its nothing to do with us"
Great, so now i have to go to the main reception for two things, a repeat prescription and a second prescription for reordering what didn't get ordered the first time round. Glancing at me watch and seeing i've now spent 32 minutes in here and haven't got time to piss around, i leave, rather annoyed that such a simple thing as ordering whats been ticked on a piece of paper, then reprinting a new piece of paper for future ordering can be made quite so complicated.
Returning home i cooked sausages in 4 minutes and gobbled some precooked vege that i had left keeping hot down all in under 5 minutes. Got to work late, apologised and stayed over to make the time back and keep everybody happy.
Never mind though, everything is ok now, mother has said she will graciously pop in and grab these prescription's for me tomorrow, instead of me having to go down and do it meself, as she's going down anyway for christmas shopping purposes. I'd be lost without her i swear...
Deep Dish - Say Hello, great little choon, used on the latest bacardi advert with loads of people wearing costumes going to a party, well worth listening to. Im off to relax and then go to bed, have fun
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Old Trafford Manchester
And go i did, and i came back again to show people the pictures.
I had a good time, but the match wasn't up the high standard i was expecting. First half was a cracker, but the second half was a bit dull to say the least.
It's wierd though, watching them live is a completely different expeirence from watching them on the tele. On the tele they seem somehow removed from you, whereas live they look just like normal people kicking a ball round, obviously with a lot more skill than you or i but still just normal people.
Anyway enough waffles, and plus im tired, so here are the pictures.
The stadium empty
The opposition warming up
Both teams warming up
The opposition reserve keeper doing something or other
The stadium name, just in case you'd forgotten
A slightly fuller stadium
A full north stand
The place where all the commentators sit
The teams walking out onto the pitch
The teams shaking hands
Just before kick off
Kick off itself
A foul
A corner
And finally the score at the end of the first half, rather blurry though
and there you have it, not the best pictures in the world, but im still learning after all...
I had a good time, but the match wasn't up the high standard i was expecting. First half was a cracker, but the second half was a bit dull to say the least.
It's wierd though, watching them live is a completely different expeirence from watching them on the tele. On the tele they seem somehow removed from you, whereas live they look just like normal people kicking a ball round, obviously with a lot more skill than you or i but still just normal people.
Anyway enough waffles, and plus im tired, so here are the pictures.
The stadium empty
The opposition warming up
Both teams warming up
The opposition reserve keeper doing something or other
The stadium name, just in case you'd forgotten
A slightly fuller stadium
A full north stand
The place where all the commentators sit
The teams walking out onto the pitch
The teams shaking hands
Just before kick off
Kick off itself
A foul
A corner
And finally the score at the end of the first half, rather blurry though
and there you have it, not the best pictures in the world, but im still learning after all...
Away we go
Tomorrow will see me standing in Old Trafford camera in hand watching Manchester United play Everton. Should be a good afternoon by all accounts although the stairs up to the seats could just about cripple me....
In other news, me sister has passed her driving test, so beware if you are out on the road. She hasn't got a car yet, but its not going to take her long at the rate she's going. Did take her three attempts to pass though...
Did some christmas shopping earlier and to be honest it wasn't as busy as I expected it to be, managed to get a parking spot without any trouble and got what I went for without any problems.
One thing I did notice is why does it take women so much longer to do the shopping than men? Men go down and know exactly what they are going for and go straight for them, take them to the checkout and pay for them and then move on to the next shop and repeat until shopping list is completed. Women seem to adopt a different approach even with exactly the same shopping list. Women will go into the first store, same as the man, and then wander up and down the aisles and pick things up and then put them down again and move on to the next item.
There is no reason for this and eventually the woman will take a liking to a certain item and will buy it, despite the fact that its not really needed, and so therefore, what takes the man 30 minutes to do a shopping list and he comes home with exactly what he went for, takes the woman 2 hours and she comes home with an entirely different trolley load of crap.
Sometimes in really bad situations, the woman will return with nothing off the list at all, and everything is an impulse buy, great for the shops she's been round, but crap for everybody connected to the woman. Instead of a toaster for christmas, you get a toast rack with a free tea cosy. Completely useless...
Lets face it, we'll all seen this strange behaviour, and doubtless it will continue onwards.
Never mind though, I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how me footy match went, hopefully with some accompanying piccys too.
In other news, me sister has passed her driving test, so beware if you are out on the road. She hasn't got a car yet, but its not going to take her long at the rate she's going. Did take her three attempts to pass though...
Did some christmas shopping earlier and to be honest it wasn't as busy as I expected it to be, managed to get a parking spot without any trouble and got what I went for without any problems.
One thing I did notice is why does it take women so much longer to do the shopping than men? Men go down and know exactly what they are going for and go straight for them, take them to the checkout and pay for them and then move on to the next shop and repeat until shopping list is completed. Women seem to adopt a different approach even with exactly the same shopping list. Women will go into the first store, same as the man, and then wander up and down the aisles and pick things up and then put them down again and move on to the next item.
There is no reason for this and eventually the woman will take a liking to a certain item and will buy it, despite the fact that its not really needed, and so therefore, what takes the man 30 minutes to do a shopping list and he comes home with exactly what he went for, takes the woman 2 hours and she comes home with an entirely different trolley load of crap.
Sometimes in really bad situations, the woman will return with nothing off the list at all, and everything is an impulse buy, great for the shops she's been round, but crap for everybody connected to the woman. Instead of a toaster for christmas, you get a toast rack with a free tea cosy. Completely useless...
Lets face it, we'll all seen this strange behaviour, and doubtless it will continue onwards.
Never mind though, I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how me footy match went, hopefully with some accompanying piccys too.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Suited and booted
Well today saw me getting up and stumbling forth at the faintly absurd time of 7:30. The reason behind this was due to the fact that i was going off to birmingham to be measured for a couple of suits.
It must be stressed that these are not the usual run of the mill suits either, these are hand made suits from singapore/honk kong's finest and are bespoke obviously, not the off the peg jobbies that you can buy down matalan for £20.
These sorts of things don't come cheap though running at far more money than you need worry about although i think when they come through after about 6 weeks it'll be more than worth the outlay.
All in aid of my little dubai holiday which i am popping off on next year, which if you've spoke to me at any stage in the last year, you'll know all about. For those what don't know, staying in the worlds only 7* hotel, in a delux suite spanning two floors, cost to me £haha silly money, and again, far more than you need to worry about.
Speaking of expensive things, i was peering at watches the other day, and liked the look of this one, although try not to fall off your chair.
Anyway due to my early start, im going to fall into bed and get some serious kippage before tomorrow, whilst im asleep check out this computer...
It must be stressed that these are not the usual run of the mill suits either, these are hand made suits from singapore/honk kong's finest and are bespoke obviously, not the off the peg jobbies that you can buy down matalan for £20.
These sorts of things don't come cheap though running at far more money than you need worry about although i think when they come through after about 6 weeks it'll be more than worth the outlay.
All in aid of my little dubai holiday which i am popping off on next year, which if you've spoke to me at any stage in the last year, you'll know all about. For those what don't know, staying in the worlds only 7* hotel, in a delux suite spanning two floors, cost to me £haha silly money, and again, far more than you need to worry about.
Speaking of expensive things, i was peering at watches the other day, and liked the look of this one, although try not to fall off your chair.
Anyway due to my early start, im going to fall into bed and get some serious kippage before tomorrow, whilst im asleep check out this computer...
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Photo jiggery pokery
It's not every day that you get the chance to do something that you actually like doing, and I don't mean like in the sense that you like eating cake, you do that because its tasty not because you truly want to sit down and do nothing but eat cake for half an hour.
Today I managed to sit down for half an hour and had great fun editing a photo of dougal taken at college many moons back. The original photo had dougal peering into camera and ewan sticking his great big long fingers up behind his head, and in previous editing sessions when I was just starting out with photoshop I managed to get rid of his fingers and that was fine.
However I looked at the picture yesterday and thought, you know what? That picture needs a hat, and further more its a flat cap it needs. So today I thought I'll have a go at that, it'll probably turn out really daft and obvious that it's been edited but what the hell, it'll keep me busy for a bit.
A swift google image search later and I was in proud possession of an image of a flat cap, albeit with ears(?). I nipped into photoshop and set about cutting off the bits of the hat I didn't want or need, and then tracing round the outside of the hat so I could place it carefully upon dougal's noggin. Having successfully managed to blend it in slightly, so it didn't stick out quite so much, it was just left to possibly add a final touch to finish the image off.
I'm quite happy with the result which can be found here. The original, before edit is here.
And that's quite enough of that sillyness for one day, all comments welcome, I'm off to do something else
Today I managed to sit down for half an hour and had great fun editing a photo of dougal taken at college many moons back. The original photo had dougal peering into camera and ewan sticking his great big long fingers up behind his head, and in previous editing sessions when I was just starting out with photoshop I managed to get rid of his fingers and that was fine.
However I looked at the picture yesterday and thought, you know what? That picture needs a hat, and further more its a flat cap it needs. So today I thought I'll have a go at that, it'll probably turn out really daft and obvious that it's been edited but what the hell, it'll keep me busy for a bit.
A swift google image search later and I was in proud possession of an image of a flat cap, albeit with ears(?). I nipped into photoshop and set about cutting off the bits of the hat I didn't want or need, and then tracing round the outside of the hat so I could place it carefully upon dougal's noggin. Having successfully managed to blend it in slightly, so it didn't stick out quite so much, it was just left to possibly add a final touch to finish the image off.
I'm quite happy with the result which can be found here. The original, before edit is here.
And that's quite enough of that sillyness for one day, all comments welcome, I'm off to do something else
Friday, December 02, 2005
Smile for the camera
I felt it was probably time to have a picture of Sooty!!
I dunno why, i just felt that we needed one, purely cos he's such a damn good bear
Anyway in other news, i still feel ill and require much paracetamol to get me through a day, still i spose it could be worse.
Wave at sooty!!
Sorry, i think i'll go to bed now, as im not making much sense, and i'll make even less the more i go on...
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Perrier and white wine for the lady?
Today was another fairly uneventful day in my life, get up, work, come home, write this. That pretty much sums up my day to a fair extent, although of course there were slightly more activites present than just those 5.
the previous days banging from next door has ceased, and i managed to get decidely more than the 4 hours kip i managed yesterday. All hail the silent hammer when someone invents it.
I booked hundreds if not thousands of bottles of water in today at work, hence the title of this part, bloody water, why don't people just drink tap, its a damn sight cheaper and probably better for you too.
Ah well, i'm far too tired to continue, i'm going to retire and hope tomorrow is slightly better.
the previous days banging from next door has ceased, and i managed to get decidely more than the 4 hours kip i managed yesterday. All hail the silent hammer when someone invents it.
I booked hundreds if not thousands of bottles of water in today at work, hence the title of this part, bloody water, why don't people just drink tap, its a damn sight cheaper and probably better for you too.
Ah well, i'm far too tired to continue, i'm going to retire and hope tomorrow is slightly better.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Wasted
Why is it every weekend that passes i feel as if i've just wasted it? No matter what i do, or whats gets done, i always feel as if i could have done more with it.
Still never mind, there's always next weekend.... although i'm working the saturday....balls
perhaps it would help if i actually got up at a reasonable time, instead of about 2-3ish, then i would have some hours in which to do stuff, although i don't have that much stuff to do, so again we whirl round in a quagmire of everdecreasing circles, cos the more we think about what we are going to do, the less time we actually have to do them. And the more time we actually spend doing chores, the less time we have to fit anything else in....
On another happy note, i feel ill, and sources reckon i've got a cold, not helped by the slightly wacky/feverish dream i had last night of piloting a alien craft around at work in the dead of night whilst everybody worked on as if nothing was wrong. I know it was feverish because of the way things panned out and the way i kept flicking between things, i never do that in a normal dream. Normal dreams for me usually have one storyline and things run at a normal speed in a measured order and pattern, much like everything is preplanned and i just set it in motion. Feverish ones tend to run at twice speed, or in slow mo, with people doing exaggerated movements or speaking very deliberately at me in a patronising manner. It's hard to explain, but very easy to spot.
Hopefully i'll be feeling somewhat improved tomorrow as i've just taken some paracetamol, so that should give me a good nights kip if nothing else.
Still never mind, there's always next weekend.... although i'm working the saturday....balls
perhaps it would help if i actually got up at a reasonable time, instead of about 2-3ish, then i would have some hours in which to do stuff, although i don't have that much stuff to do, so again we whirl round in a quagmire of everdecreasing circles, cos the more we think about what we are going to do, the less time we actually have to do them. And the more time we actually spend doing chores, the less time we have to fit anything else in....
On another happy note, i feel ill, and sources reckon i've got a cold, not helped by the slightly wacky/feverish dream i had last night of piloting a alien craft around at work in the dead of night whilst everybody worked on as if nothing was wrong. I know it was feverish because of the way things panned out and the way i kept flicking between things, i never do that in a normal dream. Normal dreams for me usually have one storyline and things run at a normal speed in a measured order and pattern, much like everything is preplanned and i just set it in motion. Feverish ones tend to run at twice speed, or in slow mo, with people doing exaggerated movements or speaking very deliberately at me in a patronising manner. It's hard to explain, but very easy to spot.
Hopefully i'll be feeling somewhat improved tomorrow as i've just taken some paracetamol, so that should give me a good nights kip if nothing else.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Home of the disheveled, lost and lonely
Right well here it comes folks, the ever promised Office 12 beta review. Hang on to your socks in case this takes you by surprise.
Having freshly installed Office 12 last night, I set about having a quick flick through it. First app I opened was word, and you can get a nice view of what it looks like here. Now first impressions of that are usually, what the hell happened here then, some daft sod has decided to plonk a whacking great toolbar at the top of my window! Where's the normal one gone? In true quick look fashion, I don't know where its gone, but I think its gone forever, so first thing to note is that if you don't like the toolbar, and I mean you really don't like it, then you'll not be using this software. However its worth just considering two things before you run off and scream blue murder at the nearest office user.
1: The new toolbar suprising enough, is quite easy to work with on everyday sorts of things such as bold, italic underline, font sizing, etc etc. Things like headers and footers can also be found under the Insert tab at the top, on the new menu bit. All in all, suprising enough, I'm finding myself not exactly liking the new menu, but its not something I truly hate either.
2: This is still a beta, there may well be an option in the finished version to toggle back and forth between the two menu systems, so we'll wait and see on that one. Also its worth nothing that in fact the new menu system probably only takes up about another 5% more screen space than the old one, although it looks a lot more on first glance.
Microsoft has taken the step of, to some extent, defaulting the page layout to one which they think most people will use. What I mean by that is the line spacing, paragraph formatting, and general layout of the document is slightly different from older versions of word. Not bad, but I liked it how it was, and in this beta it won't remember settings once I've changed them, so that's a bit of a niggle. They have also decided to bang cleartype on as standard. Now I think cleartype is a good idea if you are using a flat panel monitor that's not set at its maximum resolution, and things appear either slightly blurred, or a little fuzzy. Cleartype, under these circumstances, can work wonders for text, and can really make things more legible. However on a normal CRT monitor, or a flat monitor at max res, cleartype doesn't really have much bearing on how things look, and can even make them look worse, so I'm not entirely sure if this setting takes into account the type of system you are running it on, and adjusts it accordingly, or if as I suspect its a bog standard setting. If it is, I'm afraid one or two of you may find yourselves turning it off. Again though this is personal preference and not a huge problem.
The only "menu" that remains is the File menu to some extent, and even this has changed drastically from the one we know and love, clicky Next to the file menu, you will find the Quick Access Toolbar, which suprisingly enough mirrors the quick launch toolbar and lets you do the same sorts of things. i.e. whack in some icons that you use a lot, eg. spell check, so you don't have to rummage round for them. Helpfully enough the save function is already there from the off, but I would prefer the spell checker there by default as well, but you can't win them all.
As the two most used applications in office as far as I know, aside from outlook, excel was the second program that I looked at. Here is a screeny.
As you can see, its much the same sort of story here again, with the new menu at the top, orange highlighted cells for this version, which makes a change from the blue of old. Again though most of the common excel funtions, currency, autosum etc can all be found on the first menu, without any digging. Useful again for the novice user, but for the more advanced functions a little digging is required, although most can be found fairly easily and quickly.
You get the feeling that somebody has spent a bit of time thinking over this new menu system and to be honest, I can see the point behind it. Its not just window dressing this time, like the teletubby theme of xp, there is real purpose behind what's been done, and it can help you. I really wanted to not like this from what I'd read and seen of the early preview builds and people saying how much space they would be losing to the massively bloated menu. True you do lose a bit, but its not as bad as you think, and overall it can make your workflow faster and more effective. Little touches like after you have selected some text in word, you get a little popup that appears just above your cursor, which if hovered over becomes active and lets you select bold, italic, underline change text justify etc. If you don't hover over it, it disappears and is only 50% opaque to start with so isn't obtrusive, but when you do use it, its almost as quick as using the keyboard shortcut, as the buttons are right underneath your mouse cursor without you having to trek across the screen to click the button on the main bar.
Some programs like publisher have had an overhaul, but still retain the classic drop-down menu, and that's nice, hopefully Microsoft will have the sense to put the option in to revert everything back to standard should you so wish in the final version, we shall have to wait to see what comes of it.
To sum up then, not a completely interesting review, and not one of the most indepth either, hardly touching on any new features in the office suite of which I'm sure there are some, but mainly I wanted to cover the point that is in everybody's mind. Here are some other screenshots of the other apps you can get and I may do a better review when the office 12 final comes out later on this year, or early next.
Outlook
Access, Access 2
Powerpoint
Publisher
Having freshly installed Office 12 last night, I set about having a quick flick through it. First app I opened was word, and you can get a nice view of what it looks like here. Now first impressions of that are usually, what the hell happened here then, some daft sod has decided to plonk a whacking great toolbar at the top of my window! Where's the normal one gone? In true quick look fashion, I don't know where its gone, but I think its gone forever, so first thing to note is that if you don't like the toolbar, and I mean you really don't like it, then you'll not be using this software. However its worth just considering two things before you run off and scream blue murder at the nearest office user.
1: The new toolbar suprising enough, is quite easy to work with on everyday sorts of things such as bold, italic underline, font sizing, etc etc. Things like headers and footers can also be found under the Insert tab at the top, on the new menu bit. All in all, suprising enough, I'm finding myself not exactly liking the new menu, but its not something I truly hate either.
2: This is still a beta, there may well be an option in the finished version to toggle back and forth between the two menu systems, so we'll wait and see on that one. Also its worth nothing that in fact the new menu system probably only takes up about another 5% more screen space than the old one, although it looks a lot more on first glance.
Microsoft has taken the step of, to some extent, defaulting the page layout to one which they think most people will use. What I mean by that is the line spacing, paragraph formatting, and general layout of the document is slightly different from older versions of word. Not bad, but I liked it how it was, and in this beta it won't remember settings once I've changed them, so that's a bit of a niggle. They have also decided to bang cleartype on as standard. Now I think cleartype is a good idea if you are using a flat panel monitor that's not set at its maximum resolution, and things appear either slightly blurred, or a little fuzzy. Cleartype, under these circumstances, can work wonders for text, and can really make things more legible. However on a normal CRT monitor, or a flat monitor at max res, cleartype doesn't really have much bearing on how things look, and can even make them look worse, so I'm not entirely sure if this setting takes into account the type of system you are running it on, and adjusts it accordingly, or if as I suspect its a bog standard setting. If it is, I'm afraid one or two of you may find yourselves turning it off. Again though this is personal preference and not a huge problem.
The only "menu" that remains is the File menu to some extent, and even this has changed drastically from the one we know and love, clicky Next to the file menu, you will find the Quick Access Toolbar, which suprisingly enough mirrors the quick launch toolbar and lets you do the same sorts of things. i.e. whack in some icons that you use a lot, eg. spell check, so you don't have to rummage round for them. Helpfully enough the save function is already there from the off, but I would prefer the spell checker there by default as well, but you can't win them all.
As the two most used applications in office as far as I know, aside from outlook, excel was the second program that I looked at. Here is a screeny.
As you can see, its much the same sort of story here again, with the new menu at the top, orange highlighted cells for this version, which makes a change from the blue of old. Again though most of the common excel funtions, currency, autosum etc can all be found on the first menu, without any digging. Useful again for the novice user, but for the more advanced functions a little digging is required, although most can be found fairly easily and quickly.
You get the feeling that somebody has spent a bit of time thinking over this new menu system and to be honest, I can see the point behind it. Its not just window dressing this time, like the teletubby theme of xp, there is real purpose behind what's been done, and it can help you. I really wanted to not like this from what I'd read and seen of the early preview builds and people saying how much space they would be losing to the massively bloated menu. True you do lose a bit, but its not as bad as you think, and overall it can make your workflow faster and more effective. Little touches like after you have selected some text in word, you get a little popup that appears just above your cursor, which if hovered over becomes active and lets you select bold, italic, underline change text justify etc. If you don't hover over it, it disappears and is only 50% opaque to start with so isn't obtrusive, but when you do use it, its almost as quick as using the keyboard shortcut, as the buttons are right underneath your mouse cursor without you having to trek across the screen to click the button on the main bar.
Some programs like publisher have had an overhaul, but still retain the classic drop-down menu, and that's nice, hopefully Microsoft will have the sense to put the option in to revert everything back to standard should you so wish in the final version, we shall have to wait to see what comes of it.
To sum up then, not a completely interesting review, and not one of the most indepth either, hardly touching on any new features in the office suite of which I'm sure there are some, but mainly I wanted to cover the point that is in everybody's mind. Here are some other screenshots of the other apps you can get and I may do a better review when the office 12 final comes out later on this year, or early next.
Outlook
Access, Access 2
Powerpoint
Publisher
No smoking please
An update on the smoking situation at work i think. I aired my concerns to the boss, who unfortuntely didn't drag me into his office as i'd hoped for, but rest assured I got me point across, but in a nice polite fashion so as not to get fired...
It would seem however that the first complaint was deemed a bit of a joke, and wasn't taken seriously by all concerned. They took notice of the second complaint though, when i started naming and shaming those involved. Such speed i have never seen. People were being called in left right and centre, and it seems to have done the trick, apologies and people actually remembering to go outside for a smoke were abundant, so once again im a happy chappy. Quite how long it will last remains to be seen, but i'll make sure if the standards start slipping i shall be hot on the case once again.
Off to the hospital in a bit to see if i'm still working properly from a medical stand point, which i probably am, but safest to check.
It would seem however that the first complaint was deemed a bit of a joke, and wasn't taken seriously by all concerned. They took notice of the second complaint though, when i started naming and shaming those involved. Such speed i have never seen. People were being called in left right and centre, and it seems to have done the trick, apologies and people actually remembering to go outside for a smoke were abundant, so once again im a happy chappy. Quite how long it will last remains to be seen, but i'll make sure if the standards start slipping i shall be hot on the case once again.
Off to the hospital in a bit to see if i'm still working properly from a medical stand point, which i probably am, but safest to check.
Monday, November 21, 2005
A tinge of pink
First and foremost its nice to be up and running wirelessly again, thus allowing both of my computers and me sisters to access the interweb once again without having the mess of cables everywhere. True, wireless isn't the best thing in the world as it can be affected by microwaves and the sort, but still, its nice to be able to wander round the house surfing the web. In short don't buy anything cheap and cheerful for networking purposes, you get what you pay for, and in my case I paid for a cheap little thingy that has apparently blown up quietly one night and didn't have the decency to tell me, or even smoke a bit. Even a charred smell would have been better than nothing. My new Netgear access point sits smugly up the corner calmly handing out wirelessness as fast as its little antenna can cope.
Sadly the promised office 12 beta review will not be occuring today due to me being a lazy git and not being bothered to install it, maybe later....
Today saw the introduction of some fog across our little island in the sea, but even more interestingly was the fact that after about an hour, it magically turned pink! I'm sure those of a meteorological bent will be able to furnish me with a valid reason as to why this occurred, but quite frankly, I don't care. One of life's little joy's and I shall keep it as such.
So endeth yet another day, and another one will surely arrive.
Sadly the promised office 12 beta review will not be occuring today due to me being a lazy git and not being bothered to install it, maybe later....
Today saw the introduction of some fog across our little island in the sea, but even more interestingly was the fact that after about an hour, it magically turned pink! I'm sure those of a meteorological bent will be able to furnish me with a valid reason as to why this occurred, but quite frankly, I don't care. One of life's little joy's and I shall keep it as such.
So endeth yet another day, and another one will surely arrive.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Another day, another dollar
So they say, as i disappeared off to work for another saturday, earns me some more cash though...
On the software front, i've got me sweaty mits on the beta of the new Microsoft Office. Version 12 it's up to now, and all is looking a little dodgy with the fact that drop down menu's are a thing of the past and all you get now is a load of icons that you click on. Er ok, i'll post a full review later this week on just how that grabs me, and more importantly how it actually works in practise.
I bought me a copy of the new LMA Manager 2006 for ps2 as well. Have always liked the franchise and this seasons update seems another good investment with a overhauled match engine, tranfer system and overall more stuff to do and fiddle with. Only cost me £23 as well, instead of the £30 most internet sites wanted. It pays to shop around i find....
Managed to curl a beautiful free kick over the wall and into the top corner last night on pes5 as well. Happy? i was delerious, waving me hands about and generally celebrating. Was still happy even though i lost the match 3-1..
On a bad note, me wireless interweb access point decided to give up the ghost last night and refused to allow any sort of connection at all with either of me computers. (sigh) so i promptly went online and found a new access point with lots of positive reviews and purchased that, and duly received an email today saying it had been posted. With any luck then i should be fully up and running again either monday or tuesday.
Back to playing games i think, and then staying inside and keeping warm. Far too cold outside lately to think about doing anything else. Have fun, and stay safe
On the software front, i've got me sweaty mits on the beta of the new Microsoft Office. Version 12 it's up to now, and all is looking a little dodgy with the fact that drop down menu's are a thing of the past and all you get now is a load of icons that you click on. Er ok, i'll post a full review later this week on just how that grabs me, and more importantly how it actually works in practise.
I bought me a copy of the new LMA Manager 2006 for ps2 as well. Have always liked the franchise and this seasons update seems another good investment with a overhauled match engine, tranfer system and overall more stuff to do and fiddle with. Only cost me £23 as well, instead of the £30 most internet sites wanted. It pays to shop around i find....
Managed to curl a beautiful free kick over the wall and into the top corner last night on pes5 as well. Happy? i was delerious, waving me hands about and generally celebrating. Was still happy even though i lost the match 3-1..
On a bad note, me wireless interweb access point decided to give up the ghost last night and refused to allow any sort of connection at all with either of me computers. (sigh) so i promptly went online and found a new access point with lots of positive reviews and purchased that, and duly received an email today saying it had been posted. With any luck then i should be fully up and running again either monday or tuesday.
Back to playing games i think, and then staying inside and keeping warm. Far too cold outside lately to think about doing anything else. Have fun, and stay safe
Thursday, November 17, 2005
No Problem....
I'm in a very laid back mood today and really just couldn't care less about anything, plus im really hoping somebody tries to give me a round of fucks tomorrowat work and tries to whinge at me, cos im bloody ready for that. Let me tell you why....
Everyday on me lunch break i go outside and kick me football round for a bit, its silly really, most people would do it and not think twice about it, but i find it helps me chest, and clears all the crap out of it, so i do it. However when i had had me fifteen minutes of exercise and me dinner had finished i toddled back into the office. Now there is something you have to understand at our place, the office is a non smoking area, mainly cos of me and me chest, but also cos of the other non smoking people there, and fucking damn right its a no smoking area. But when i wandered in today i find the office bit where i work full of cigarette smoke and people puffing away. Great i thought, thats just about the last straw, i keep reminding them despite the fact there are signs everywhere, i keep telling them about it and pointing at the signs but obviously they've chosen to 'forget' again, but no cos as soon as i wandered through the door there was a cry "Fuck me, he's back, bollocks, ohhhh fuck off and play football for half an hour whilst we finish these". Fucking bastards, but as im in a calm mood, i said "Yeah, ok, no problem", and off i went.
Half an hour later i toddled back in, to find the said office deserted, goooood, but the air was still thick with smoke and it fucking stunk, and i mean reeked. So i went round and opened all the windows in the office to try and clear it, then toddled off again to play more football.
Half an hour later on i went back to find the office had cleared of smoke, still smelt a bit, and was now freezing cold too, but i really had to do some work due to the amount of people waiting for stuff, notes etc.
Needless to say, i wasn't in any rush to catch up with the hour i'd missed, after all i don't think i should rush when quite plainly it wasn't my fault the office was unusable for that hour. When the chap came in at ten o'clock to take over from me, he found rather a lot of work still to do, i went bang on ten, thought fuck it, why should i stay and help him, he's a miserable cunt anyway, and off i went.
Now comes the interesting bit, when i go in tomorrow i'm gonna be waiting for someone to call me into a managers office somewhere and say
"Er, why did [chap] walk into loads of work last night"
"Very simply, its a non smoking office, people were smoking, they knew they shouldn't be cos of what was said to me, and i've had enough. I'm not sitting in a smoky office putting my health at risk and going home stinking like an ashtray because people can't obey a simple sign. The feeble excuse they always give is, 'it's cold outside, you should try standing out there for 5 minutes and see how cold it is, im having my fag in here' well sorry but no, if that office has smoke in it again, then you'll find the same thing will happen, i refuse to work in a smoky office, its been made more than clear to you before the reason's why, my health is far more important that anything else to me right now, and either you sort it out, and that office stays smoke free, or sorry but you'll be walking into work every single day, cos if the office has got smoke in it, i'll go somewhere else until its cleared and the smell has gone."
We shall see... haha, i do love a good bit of shit stirring
Everyday on me lunch break i go outside and kick me football round for a bit, its silly really, most people would do it and not think twice about it, but i find it helps me chest, and clears all the crap out of it, so i do it. However when i had had me fifteen minutes of exercise and me dinner had finished i toddled back into the office. Now there is something you have to understand at our place, the office is a non smoking area, mainly cos of me and me chest, but also cos of the other non smoking people there, and fucking damn right its a no smoking area. But when i wandered in today i find the office bit where i work full of cigarette smoke and people puffing away. Great i thought, thats just about the last straw, i keep reminding them despite the fact there are signs everywhere, i keep telling them about it and pointing at the signs but obviously they've chosen to 'forget' again, but no cos as soon as i wandered through the door there was a cry "Fuck me, he's back, bollocks, ohhhh fuck off and play football for half an hour whilst we finish these". Fucking bastards, but as im in a calm mood, i said "Yeah, ok, no problem", and off i went.
Half an hour later i toddled back in, to find the said office deserted, goooood, but the air was still thick with smoke and it fucking stunk, and i mean reeked. So i went round and opened all the windows in the office to try and clear it, then toddled off again to play more football.
Half an hour later on i went back to find the office had cleared of smoke, still smelt a bit, and was now freezing cold too, but i really had to do some work due to the amount of people waiting for stuff, notes etc.
Needless to say, i wasn't in any rush to catch up with the hour i'd missed, after all i don't think i should rush when quite plainly it wasn't my fault the office was unusable for that hour. When the chap came in at ten o'clock to take over from me, he found rather a lot of work still to do, i went bang on ten, thought fuck it, why should i stay and help him, he's a miserable cunt anyway, and off i went.
Now comes the interesting bit, when i go in tomorrow i'm gonna be waiting for someone to call me into a managers office somewhere and say
"Er, why did [chap] walk into loads of work last night"
"Very simply, its a non smoking office, people were smoking, they knew they shouldn't be cos of what was said to me, and i've had enough. I'm not sitting in a smoky office putting my health at risk and going home stinking like an ashtray because people can't obey a simple sign. The feeble excuse they always give is, 'it's cold outside, you should try standing out there for 5 minutes and see how cold it is, im having my fag in here' well sorry but no, if that office has smoke in it again, then you'll find the same thing will happen, i refuse to work in a smoky office, its been made more than clear to you before the reason's why, my health is far more important that anything else to me right now, and either you sort it out, and that office stays smoke free, or sorry but you'll be walking into work every single day, cos if the office has got smoke in it, i'll go somewhere else until its cleared and the smell has gone."
We shall see... haha, i do love a good bit of shit stirring
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Winter's on the hunt for fresh blood
As someone put it today, "We need a good harsh winter, gets rid of the old whinging pensioners" and i can't really take issue with that. A good point, and well made.
Aside from that it was another boring day in the existence, foreign drivers who speak no english, and me, who can't speak foreign. So lots of gesturing and hand waving basically, and in the end give up and just let him do whatever he wants and hope he gets mown down by a passing forklift. You can but hope.
Anyway's in the light of fuck all else to write about, i think its time to churn out another chapter in the story "Rocket? My Arse!" for which the first part can be found way down the bottom of the page somewhere.
Part 2 - Interstitial Rifts
Having rung trev's doorbell, it suddenly occured to John that he wasn't really sure what he'd come here for, a garbled text message on the phone had told him he needed to come round during the day, but never really explained why.
Trev's form of late hadn't been the best, there were several times that he'd done things and nobody could work out why, the most extreme of which had been the time he'd claimed to have invented a cure for blindness. His early experiments had yielded little in the way of success and eventually the RNIB got wind of his activities, and had prompty shut down his operations. Undetered though Trev continued to work hard in his vault, and was always keen to make a name for himself.
Suddenly the door swung open and John was presented with a rather dishevelled looking Trev, complete with dingy lab coat and ruffled hair,
"Ah good, you're here, come in, come in"
"Whats this about, you didn't say why im here"
Too late, Trev has scuttled off towards his vault, clutching something in his hand, although the exact nature of it remained a mystery as he disappeared from sight round a corner.
Heaving a large sigh, John stepped inside and shut the front door. Old biscuit crumbs and cake wrappers littered the hallway and having picked his way through the debris he found himself in the front room, with Trev heaving at a small bookcase in the corner.
With an almighty effort the bookcase swung back to reveal a small inset door with a numberpad on it. Trev hunched over and entered several buttons in quick succession, swore softly, and entered more numbers. A triple bleep indicated the presence of the correct combination and the door unlocked,
"Come on, don't stand there gawping, there's work to be done"
"Yes i'm sure there is, but isn't there anyway we can do it up here, i don't fancy going down all them stairs."
"No, i cannot have the work brought up here, there is too much and i can't rearrange my plans just to suit you"
"Well, lead the way then"
A single bulb hanging from the passageway ceiling was all the light that was allowed on the way down to the vault, Trev was a great believer that too much light caused an imbalance in the neutron radiation, and his vault would be discovered by the government. He'd painted the walls with archaic symbols and none of them made any sense to John as he wandered past them, some sort of code he wondered, but Trev was nowhere to be seen, so asking him was out of the question.
Once he'd reached the vault, he found Trev standing next to a bubbling test tube, a small pile of iron filings and some new blueprints that John had not seen before. Trev seemed quite engrossed by them and kept muttering things and taking notes on a small pad he had produced from an inside pocket of his lab coat.
"These are the way forward, these are the future" Trev said
"What are they?"
"These are the revolutionary engines for our rocket" he enthused, writing ever more furiously on his notebook
John wandered over to have a look, but he could make neither head nor tail of what he saw on the prints.
"They look big" he said trying to think of something to say
"It's all releative, these are actually no bigger than the air they displace" Trev replied
yeah, thought John, but how bigs that? He didn't have the patience to probe any furthur as the small pile of iron filings had caught his attention. Having previously sat next to the test tube, they were now all gathered around the tube as if drawn by a huge magnet. John tried to reach out to see exactly what was going on, but Trev swatted his hand away
"Don't meddle, this is highly important work you are fiddling with"
"Come on Trev, this is silly, you've got all this stuff here, you asked me round, yet you won't allow me to touch anything"
"With very good reason, and all will be revealed as soon as i have finished calculating the exact mass of the ship in question"
"What ship?"
"Our ship my boy, our ship"
"You mean the rocket?"
"Please don't call it that, its so much more than just a fuel burning pod"
"Ok sorry, i'll leave you to it"
He wandered over to a bench in the corner and leant against it whilst Trev continued his feverish activites hunched over the drawings. Several minutes later Trev looked up at him and whispered
"Now its finished"
John headed back over to Trev and looked down at the bench,
"Whats finished?"
"The fuel for the ship has now finished settling"
John looked back to the test tube and discovered the iron filings had now reformed back into a small pile next to the vessel and the contents of the tube, which previously had been a blueish bubbling liquid were now a solid red mass in the bottom of the tube.
"What is it"
"Its the most revolutionary fuel to come along since peanut butter" Trev replied with more than a hint of madness in his eye
John didn't like to question what he'd been fueling with peanut butter, but instead decided to humour him
"Whats so good about it?"
"Its the only fuel known to man, that when combined with the engines i will build in my garage, will allow our ship to travel to all known corners of the universe, and beyond!"
"Oh, so it's good stuff then?"
"Only the best stuff you can make, it allows you to instantly jump from one place to another, millions of miles away"
"Very good Trev, how much can you make"
"How much do you want?"
"i don't know, i wasn't planning on going all that far away, the moon at best"
It was dawning on John prehaps Trev had taken the idea of space flight a little too far, but it remains to be seen just if he can actually pull off all the claims he was making, and even more importantly just how safe all this equipment would be when it was all fixed together.
Leaving Trev's house shortly after sunset, John had many thought's in his head, and even more questions than he'd started with.
The end of that bit of nonsense
Right i've taken up more than enough of your valuable living time, go and do something useful
Aside from that it was another boring day in the existence, foreign drivers who speak no english, and me, who can't speak foreign. So lots of gesturing and hand waving basically, and in the end give up and just let him do whatever he wants and hope he gets mown down by a passing forklift. You can but hope.
Anyway's in the light of fuck all else to write about, i think its time to churn out another chapter in the story "Rocket? My Arse!" for which the first part can be found way down the bottom of the page somewhere.
Part 2 - Interstitial Rifts
Having rung trev's doorbell, it suddenly occured to John that he wasn't really sure what he'd come here for, a garbled text message on the phone had told him he needed to come round during the day, but never really explained why.
Trev's form of late hadn't been the best, there were several times that he'd done things and nobody could work out why, the most extreme of which had been the time he'd claimed to have invented a cure for blindness. His early experiments had yielded little in the way of success and eventually the RNIB got wind of his activities, and had prompty shut down his operations. Undetered though Trev continued to work hard in his vault, and was always keen to make a name for himself.
Suddenly the door swung open and John was presented with a rather dishevelled looking Trev, complete with dingy lab coat and ruffled hair,
"Ah good, you're here, come in, come in"
"Whats this about, you didn't say why im here"
Too late, Trev has scuttled off towards his vault, clutching something in his hand, although the exact nature of it remained a mystery as he disappeared from sight round a corner.
Heaving a large sigh, John stepped inside and shut the front door. Old biscuit crumbs and cake wrappers littered the hallway and having picked his way through the debris he found himself in the front room, with Trev heaving at a small bookcase in the corner.
With an almighty effort the bookcase swung back to reveal a small inset door with a numberpad on it. Trev hunched over and entered several buttons in quick succession, swore softly, and entered more numbers. A triple bleep indicated the presence of the correct combination and the door unlocked,
"Come on, don't stand there gawping, there's work to be done"
"Yes i'm sure there is, but isn't there anyway we can do it up here, i don't fancy going down all them stairs."
"No, i cannot have the work brought up here, there is too much and i can't rearrange my plans just to suit you"
"Well, lead the way then"
A single bulb hanging from the passageway ceiling was all the light that was allowed on the way down to the vault, Trev was a great believer that too much light caused an imbalance in the neutron radiation, and his vault would be discovered by the government. He'd painted the walls with archaic symbols and none of them made any sense to John as he wandered past them, some sort of code he wondered, but Trev was nowhere to be seen, so asking him was out of the question.
Once he'd reached the vault, he found Trev standing next to a bubbling test tube, a small pile of iron filings and some new blueprints that John had not seen before. Trev seemed quite engrossed by them and kept muttering things and taking notes on a small pad he had produced from an inside pocket of his lab coat.
"These are the way forward, these are the future" Trev said
"What are they?"
"These are the revolutionary engines for our rocket" he enthused, writing ever more furiously on his notebook
John wandered over to have a look, but he could make neither head nor tail of what he saw on the prints.
"They look big" he said trying to think of something to say
"It's all releative, these are actually no bigger than the air they displace" Trev replied
yeah, thought John, but how bigs that? He didn't have the patience to probe any furthur as the small pile of iron filings had caught his attention. Having previously sat next to the test tube, they were now all gathered around the tube as if drawn by a huge magnet. John tried to reach out to see exactly what was going on, but Trev swatted his hand away
"Don't meddle, this is highly important work you are fiddling with"
"Come on Trev, this is silly, you've got all this stuff here, you asked me round, yet you won't allow me to touch anything"
"With very good reason, and all will be revealed as soon as i have finished calculating the exact mass of the ship in question"
"What ship?"
"Our ship my boy, our ship"
"You mean the rocket?"
"Please don't call it that, its so much more than just a fuel burning pod"
"Ok sorry, i'll leave you to it"
He wandered over to a bench in the corner and leant against it whilst Trev continued his feverish activites hunched over the drawings. Several minutes later Trev looked up at him and whispered
"Now its finished"
John headed back over to Trev and looked down at the bench,
"Whats finished?"
"The fuel for the ship has now finished settling"
John looked back to the test tube and discovered the iron filings had now reformed back into a small pile next to the vessel and the contents of the tube, which previously had been a blueish bubbling liquid were now a solid red mass in the bottom of the tube.
"What is it"
"Its the most revolutionary fuel to come along since peanut butter" Trev replied with more than a hint of madness in his eye
John didn't like to question what he'd been fueling with peanut butter, but instead decided to humour him
"Whats so good about it?"
"Its the only fuel known to man, that when combined with the engines i will build in my garage, will allow our ship to travel to all known corners of the universe, and beyond!"
"Oh, so it's good stuff then?"
"Only the best stuff you can make, it allows you to instantly jump from one place to another, millions of miles away"
"Very good Trev, how much can you make"
"How much do you want?"
"i don't know, i wasn't planning on going all that far away, the moon at best"
It was dawning on John prehaps Trev had taken the idea of space flight a little too far, but it remains to be seen just if he can actually pull off all the claims he was making, and even more importantly just how safe all this equipment would be when it was all fixed together.
Leaving Trev's house shortly after sunset, John had many thought's in his head, and even more questions than he'd started with.
The end of that bit of nonsense
Right i've taken up more than enough of your valuable living time, go and do something useful
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
A Calmer Outlook
Well this afternonn im pleased to say was a damn sight better than the aboration that was this morning. I did get whinged at for not doing enough at work, this is despite the fact i stayed over doing 20 minutes work i didn't get paid for, but obviously i don't do enough...
'You can never do a good company for enough' as they say, firmly subscibed to that theory now i am.
Did play a little game with the entrance barrier earlier though that brightened me day up. Our place has an extrance and an exit barrier, with the exit barrier being weight sensed and so automatic, and you buzz to come in the in barrier, however, as we seem to be a hugely thrifty company who refuse to spend any money whatsoever unless somebody is about to die unless they do, our barriers keep breaking, just as they did today.
The in barrier decided it wanted to point vertically and nothing else, so it was doing a hell of a securty job tonight. Anyway we has the fortune to have a driver pop through the office with his nice fluorescent vest on, so duly me and other office chappy piped up
"Here, can you go and see if you can press the button and make that barrier come down for us, cos the site isn't very secure with it stuck up like that"
"yeah sure, i'll have a wander up and fetch it"
( i should mention here we have a camera trained on the barriers and a nice tv we can watch it on in the office, so we can see what's going on)
So off he wanders, into the night and sure enough appears at the barrier, wanders round for a bit then presses a button
"Hello?"
"Yes it's me"
"Who?"
"Me, which button do i press"
"You've already pressed it"
"oh"
"Press the other one, its still broke"
"righto"
He crosses swiftly over to the out barrier, and presses the button for that, in the hope that we can confuse the barrier enough to go down
"Any joy?"
"Er no, not really, you'll have to swing off the in barrier and try to drag it down"
"Errr, are you sure?"
"Yeah, its fine, we've done it before"
"ok"
So we watch with interest as he clambers up to the mounting point and proceeds to try to swing on the barrier, which to be fair to the bloke did move a bit, although we were jabbing the open button too, so he'd get it down a bit then we'd open it again, with him hanging on for dear life
However that was short lived as eventually the barrier gave up and refused to move at all then, so some chap will have to come and repair that tomorrow...
Hopefully i can have some sleep tomorrow morning, sister is off to leeds to peer at the university there, presumably the 2 hour train journey will bore her a bit, and stick her in a non commital mood, so when she gets back, it'll be a "nice day" "not really". I love it when i'm not the only one who's annoyed...
Have fun
'You can never do a good company for enough' as they say, firmly subscibed to that theory now i am.
Did play a little game with the entrance barrier earlier though that brightened me day up. Our place has an extrance and an exit barrier, with the exit barrier being weight sensed and so automatic, and you buzz to come in the in barrier, however, as we seem to be a hugely thrifty company who refuse to spend any money whatsoever unless somebody is about to die unless they do, our barriers keep breaking, just as they did today.
The in barrier decided it wanted to point vertically and nothing else, so it was doing a hell of a securty job tonight. Anyway we has the fortune to have a driver pop through the office with his nice fluorescent vest on, so duly me and other office chappy piped up
"Here, can you go and see if you can press the button and make that barrier come down for us, cos the site isn't very secure with it stuck up like that"
"yeah sure, i'll have a wander up and fetch it"
( i should mention here we have a camera trained on the barriers and a nice tv we can watch it on in the office, so we can see what's going on)
So off he wanders, into the night and sure enough appears at the barrier, wanders round for a bit then presses a button
"Hello?"
"Yes it's me"
"Who?"
"Me, which button do i press"
"You've already pressed it"
"oh"
"Press the other one, its still broke"
"righto"
He crosses swiftly over to the out barrier, and presses the button for that, in the hope that we can confuse the barrier enough to go down
"Any joy?"
"Er no, not really, you'll have to swing off the in barrier and try to drag it down"
"Errr, are you sure?"
"Yeah, its fine, we've done it before"
"ok"
So we watch with interest as he clambers up to the mounting point and proceeds to try to swing on the barrier, which to be fair to the bloke did move a bit, although we were jabbing the open button too, so he'd get it down a bit then we'd open it again, with him hanging on for dear life
However that was short lived as eventually the barrier gave up and refused to move at all then, so some chap will have to come and repair that tomorrow...
Hopefully i can have some sleep tomorrow morning, sister is off to leeds to peer at the university there, presumably the 2 hour train journey will bore her a bit, and stick her in a non commital mood, so when she gets back, it'll be a "nice day" "not really". I love it when i'm not the only one who's annoyed...
Have fun
Stop that banging you cunt!
An early morning addition to the blog today, as the chap next door again decides to draft some half baked builder type in to do some more noisy work at the crack of dawn, right next to my bedroom of course...
I was rudely awoken this morning to the sounds of a drill being used rather slowly, thus creating an immensely annoying squeaking sound, and you all know exactly the sound im on about. This was followed up several seconds later by the sound of a hammer being waved around occasionaly hitting things... i say waved as it didn't sound as if he was hitting the same thing twice.
Having decided at this stage i was up and spose i ought to start thinging about getting up, the doorbell goes. A swift peer between my curtain reveals no parcel vans or any vans whatsoever. Keeping my eye firmly glued to the window, i look down at the drive and see two women dressed in black carrying briefcases, bloody Johavah's witnesses, and i don't care if i spelt that wrong, smite me if you will. Needless to say having received no reply on the first jab of the doorbell, it was obviously deemed necessary to come back and have another go. At which point the dog got annoyed and told them as best she could to piss off. They got the message.
I then wander through to relieve my bladder to discover that the hedge that was screening us from the screaming kids at the school behind our house, has now been chopped down, presumably by a hedge fetishist or something. So now when i peer out the rear facing windows of our house, i get confronted by lots of screaming kids running round, falling over, colliding with mobile classrooms as they try to show their friends just how fast they can actually run.
"Look at me, im superman, weeeeeee (thud) (crumple)"
"Miss, miss, miss johnny hit the mobile, he's not doing much now though, we think he's dead"
You get the idea... (sigh) it would seem today is just not going to be my day
I was rudely awoken this morning to the sounds of a drill being used rather slowly, thus creating an immensely annoying squeaking sound, and you all know exactly the sound im on about. This was followed up several seconds later by the sound of a hammer being waved around occasionaly hitting things... i say waved as it didn't sound as if he was hitting the same thing twice.
Having decided at this stage i was up and spose i ought to start thinging about getting up, the doorbell goes. A swift peer between my curtain reveals no parcel vans or any vans whatsoever. Keeping my eye firmly glued to the window, i look down at the drive and see two women dressed in black carrying briefcases, bloody Johavah's witnesses, and i don't care if i spelt that wrong, smite me if you will. Needless to say having received no reply on the first jab of the doorbell, it was obviously deemed necessary to come back and have another go. At which point the dog got annoyed and told them as best she could to piss off. They got the message.
I then wander through to relieve my bladder to discover that the hedge that was screening us from the screaming kids at the school behind our house, has now been chopped down, presumably by a hedge fetishist or something. So now when i peer out the rear facing windows of our house, i get confronted by lots of screaming kids running round, falling over, colliding with mobile classrooms as they try to show their friends just how fast they can actually run.
"Look at me, im superman, weeeeeee (thud) (crumple)"
"Miss, miss, miss johnny hit the mobile, he's not doing much now though, we think he's dead"
You get the idea... (sigh) it would seem today is just not going to be my day
Monday, November 14, 2005
Foreign Cuisine
Today was a much more civil affair all round to be honest with you, although i did only manage to get 6 hours kip after spotting a Who song that i thought, "i'll go and grab that" and then spent the next few hours trying different bits of software to rip it off me dads cd and get the desired result...
Eventual conclusion, cdex is a fast and dirty way of doing things, but if you want the absolute best result your system can offer, you want to have a look at Exact Audio Copy or EAC for short, its quite simply the best ripping bit of software around, and more or less guarantee's spot on results every time. Very good bit of kit, obviously the mp3 coding part of the process is the same in all progs, as LAME is the mutts nuts when it comes to that sort of thing. I'll let you google for a EAC link, but well worth a look if you fancy it.
On a slightly less geeky note, work passed without instance today, except for one small event that caused amusement to the rank and file of the office.
I wanders in a 2 and plonks me bag down on the chair as per the norm,
"Here's try this" says one of the bloke waving a plastic dish under me hooter
"errr, righto, what is it exactly"
"South American chocolate" he replies back
"Fair enough then"
He prises off the lid and i peer in to see, sure enough, chocolate in small balls, attached in two's
"Why's it like that?"
"Its some sort of nut" he says vaguely
"oh, well i don't usually go for nuts, but whatever"
Picks one up, and the fact that everybody turns to peer at me as i stuff it in me mouth should have warned me i was doing something other than eating a simple chocolate covered nut.
(Crunch) "crunch? This is a bit too crisp for a normal nut" i muffle inbetween crunches
"Is it?"
"You've not tried one of these have you?" The alarms are going off now
"No, you're the first" he replies grinning from ear to ear, "What's it like"
"Nutty" i replied swallowing it down, "Now what was it exactly?"
"It's a chocolate covered Giant Ant"
"Oh! well thanks for that, i hope the damn thing's are safe"
"oh yes they are" he waves the tin at me again, pointing at the word edible
Sufficed to say, i ended up eating another one just to prove to the women in the office that they really were safe and i hadn't pretended to eat one. Far as i know, i was the only one in the building to eat one, still the things we do for fun....
Tomorrow blog may contain a small review of civ 4 for those that haven't already played or heard about it, alternatively it may contain a huge rant, depending on how work goes, however its worth remembering
"Its a shame we have to die my dear, but no-ones getting out of here alive, this time"
Eventual conclusion, cdex is a fast and dirty way of doing things, but if you want the absolute best result your system can offer, you want to have a look at Exact Audio Copy or EAC for short, its quite simply the best ripping bit of software around, and more or less guarantee's spot on results every time. Very good bit of kit, obviously the mp3 coding part of the process is the same in all progs, as LAME is the mutts nuts when it comes to that sort of thing. I'll let you google for a EAC link, but well worth a look if you fancy it.
On a slightly less geeky note, work passed without instance today, except for one small event that caused amusement to the rank and file of the office.
I wanders in a 2 and plonks me bag down on the chair as per the norm,
"Here's try this" says one of the bloke waving a plastic dish under me hooter
"errr, righto, what is it exactly"
"South American chocolate" he replies back
"Fair enough then"
He prises off the lid and i peer in to see, sure enough, chocolate in small balls, attached in two's
"Why's it like that?"
"Its some sort of nut" he says vaguely
"oh, well i don't usually go for nuts, but whatever"
Picks one up, and the fact that everybody turns to peer at me as i stuff it in me mouth should have warned me i was doing something other than eating a simple chocolate covered nut.
(Crunch) "crunch? This is a bit too crisp for a normal nut" i muffle inbetween crunches
"Is it?"
"You've not tried one of these have you?" The alarms are going off now
"No, you're the first" he replies grinning from ear to ear, "What's it like"
"Nutty" i replied swallowing it down, "Now what was it exactly?"
"It's a chocolate covered Giant Ant"
"Oh! well thanks for that, i hope the damn thing's are safe"
"oh yes they are" he waves the tin at me again, pointing at the word edible
Sufficed to say, i ended up eating another one just to prove to the women in the office that they really were safe and i hadn't pretended to eat one. Far as i know, i was the only one in the building to eat one, still the things we do for fun....
Tomorrow blog may contain a small review of civ 4 for those that haven't already played or heard about it, alternatively it may contain a huge rant, depending on how work goes, however its worth remembering
"Its a shame we have to die my dear, but no-ones getting out of here alive, this time"
Saturday, November 12, 2005
A Slight Recap perhaps...
Well, as you can tell, its been a damn good while since i updated this, Feb 19th to be exact, so i thought it was time i jotted some stuff down and kept it up to date.
As per usual, work at the bear has been decidely wank of late, people will not and refuse to make any sort of decision whatsoever and seem unable to decide what to do. I feel like i'm the only person there who has the balls to actually "do" anything round there. A perfect example of this would be "When x companies lorries are late, beyond a certain time, and nobody has rang you up, you can send them back without emptying them" fine, not a problem. So the following weeks come and go and sure enough x companies lorries are running a nominal 2 hours late, with no phone calls to inform us of this, and i'm getting a bit racked off at this. Taking heed of the previous advice, from the depot manager i may add, i decide to act upon this.
"Here you go mate"
"right then, well this is two hours late and we really can't accept it this time, can you take it to your depot please and get them to rebook it, cos i've been told that if you are late, you need to take it back with you"
"oh, ok mate, hang on then, i'll give me depot a ring, just a minute"
"no problem"
He wanders off, phone glued to ear muttering something about bloody traffic lights and roundabouts or something, as i return to the mundane tasks of whatever it was i was doing at the time. Thirty second's later the shift supervisor comes thundering through the door,
"What do you think you're doing?"
"pardon?"
"that driver out there says you've told him to take his load back"
"well yeah, he's late and the depot manager told me i could, and you were in the room at the time"
"yes i was, but you can't go sending lorries back willynilly just cos you feel like it"
"look, he's late, i was told i could, where's the problem, i'm pissed off with them being late all the time and me having to rush me arse off to get it all booked in before i go home, cos if i leave it everybody else seems unable to do it correctly"
"well he's being emptied over the warehouse at the minute"
"great, so i may as well not be here then"
"don't start"
You see where this is going, everytime i try to do something constructive i get shot down in flames...
More annoyances will no doubt follow in more updates until i forget to do it and just wander round muttering and ranting to meself. However take this little question with you and just ponder it for several seconds
"it makes you wonder, if all this blood and thunder, is just the pressure that i'm under"
some lyric from some song sung somewhere at some time
As per usual, work at the bear has been decidely wank of late, people will not and refuse to make any sort of decision whatsoever and seem unable to decide what to do. I feel like i'm the only person there who has the balls to actually "do" anything round there. A perfect example of this would be "When x companies lorries are late, beyond a certain time, and nobody has rang you up, you can send them back without emptying them" fine, not a problem. So the following weeks come and go and sure enough x companies lorries are running a nominal 2 hours late, with no phone calls to inform us of this, and i'm getting a bit racked off at this. Taking heed of the previous advice, from the depot manager i may add, i decide to act upon this.
"Here you go mate"
"right then, well this is two hours late and we really can't accept it this time, can you take it to your depot please and get them to rebook it, cos i've been told that if you are late, you need to take it back with you"
"oh, ok mate, hang on then, i'll give me depot a ring, just a minute"
"no problem"
He wanders off, phone glued to ear muttering something about bloody traffic lights and roundabouts or something, as i return to the mundane tasks of whatever it was i was doing at the time. Thirty second's later the shift supervisor comes thundering through the door,
"What do you think you're doing?"
"pardon?"
"that driver out there says you've told him to take his load back"
"well yeah, he's late and the depot manager told me i could, and you were in the room at the time"
"yes i was, but you can't go sending lorries back willynilly just cos you feel like it"
"look, he's late, i was told i could, where's the problem, i'm pissed off with them being late all the time and me having to rush me arse off to get it all booked in before i go home, cos if i leave it everybody else seems unable to do it correctly"
"well he's being emptied over the warehouse at the minute"
"great, so i may as well not be here then"
"don't start"
You see where this is going, everytime i try to do something constructive i get shot down in flames...
More annoyances will no doubt follow in more updates until i forget to do it and just wander round muttering and ranting to meself. However take this little question with you and just ponder it for several seconds
"it makes you wonder, if all this blood and thunder, is just the pressure that i'm under"
some lyric from some song sung somewhere at some time
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Word Origins
Sabatical
Origins
The exact origin of the pronoun sabatical has been argued over for many centuries. The earliest recorded use of the word dates back to just before the fourth century B.C. where is it believed a peasant used it to great effect just before his 24th birthday.
Buddhist monk testimony's of early court cases reveal that the word is steeped in Tibetan mythology and folklore.
It is believed that the word is a combination of words although the exact number of words remains a mystery.
The most popular theory was devised by Professor Teddy Mackintosh of the New York State University.
His theory suggests that three words are involved; 'Sabat' meaning an early kayak used mainly for transporting slabs of victorian sponge cake. The second word being 'baatik' meaning to rest for long periods of time with a view to spiritual fulfilment. Another rarer meaning for this word has also been discovered in a vatican library. This meaning simply says 'nervous sheep'. The third and final word is 'calido' which is an implement for casting stones great distance. Comparisons to modern day golf clubs have even been made, as they perform a similar task, although nothing conclusive has been unearthed.
Bibliography and sources of information
Tesco's Value Soup
Origins
The exact origin of the pronoun sabatical has been argued over for many centuries. The earliest recorded use of the word dates back to just before the fourth century B.C. where is it believed a peasant used it to great effect just before his 24th birthday.
Buddhist monk testimony's of early court cases reveal that the word is steeped in Tibetan mythology and folklore.
It is believed that the word is a combination of words although the exact number of words remains a mystery.
The most popular theory was devised by Professor Teddy Mackintosh of the New York State University.
His theory suggests that three words are involved; 'Sabat' meaning an early kayak used mainly for transporting slabs of victorian sponge cake. The second word being 'baatik' meaning to rest for long periods of time with a view to spiritual fulfilment. Another rarer meaning for this word has also been discovered in a vatican library. This meaning simply says 'nervous sheep'. The third and final word is 'calido' which is an implement for casting stones great distance. Comparisons to modern day golf clubs have even been made, as they perform a similar task, although nothing conclusive has been unearthed.
Bibliography and sources of information
Tesco's Value Soup
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Righty children are you sitting confortably, then i shall begin
Here in follows a tale, which may ramble on for several days and i may get bored with it i dunno, but we shall see
"Fuck me!" John said spitting criossant crumbs all over his cup of coffee, "Run that by me again?"
"It's quite simple," Trev said with some annoyance, as he unfurled the A3 blueprints he was carrying around on the cafe table "Making these sorts of things is very easy and really shouldn't present us with any obsticles whatsoever"
"Let me get this straight, what you are proposing is building a small rocket and going to live on the third moon of saturn?"
"Correct"
"Righto...", munching on his second piece of fried toast, it was dawning on John that perhaps Trev wasn't quite as sane as the phychatrist's report had stated.
Trev had been for various tests after he'd tried to build a set of pubic hair straightners out of nothing more than fishing net, an old pair of dungarees and some fence posts. His claims that it worked flawlessly and he could now tuck his freshly straightned hair into his socks did nothing to slow the porters down when they tightened the straps on the straight jacket.
Looking down now at the plans spread out before him, he couldn't help wondering if perhaps he should have sought a second, or even a third opinion.
Trev stared at him over the top of his half moon spectacles as they slid still furthur down his nose. "Well, don't stand on ceremony. What do you think?"
John allowed this thoght to mull over in his mind for several minutes before answering. He had learnt it wasn't always best to be honest, but humouring Trev was usually a good thing.
"Your starter for 10. What does it run on?"
"Ah, now this is the clever bit. Most rockets run on a mixture of fuels, as does this, but i have managed to tweak the fuel mix in such a way that it will get us to the moon without a refueling stop."
"Handy that. But i hope you realise just how much fuel a normal rocket consumes in a single flight"
Trev looked slightly irritated at this jab on his knowledge.
"Yes, of course i do. 40000 litres on a good day"
"Quite, and where do you invisage 'filling up' exactly? My Tesco clubcard doesn't quite stretch to rocket refuelling."
"Not a problem, i have a homemade solution..."
Thoughts of Trev's last homemade solution to the problem of mould filled John's mind. It had taken several weeks to prize the door open to Trev's lab. He had claimed that it was a mixing mistake and less undiluted prune juice would ease the fizzing, and hence less bubbles. John hadn't been convinced at the time, and still wasn't sure how less prune juice was going to stop the rest of the ingredients, the likes of which included such exotic things as Sodium Teshilynate, Hydrogen Benzote, from blowing a hole in the floor the size of a three seater sofa. That little 'incident' had warranted Trev a three month holiday in Threstletons Home for the Unstable, and it wasn't nearly long enough in some people's opinion.
Join us tomorrow for the next exciting installment of Rocket, my arse! tomorrow
Have fun, and how do they manage to package all the broken biscuits at the end of the packet?
Here in follows a tale, which may ramble on for several days and i may get bored with it i dunno, but we shall see
"Fuck me!" John said spitting criossant crumbs all over his cup of coffee, "Run that by me again?"
"It's quite simple," Trev said with some annoyance, as he unfurled the A3 blueprints he was carrying around on the cafe table "Making these sorts of things is very easy and really shouldn't present us with any obsticles whatsoever"
"Let me get this straight, what you are proposing is building a small rocket and going to live on the third moon of saturn?"
"Correct"
"Righto...", munching on his second piece of fried toast, it was dawning on John that perhaps Trev wasn't quite as sane as the phychatrist's report had stated.
Trev had been for various tests after he'd tried to build a set of pubic hair straightners out of nothing more than fishing net, an old pair of dungarees and some fence posts. His claims that it worked flawlessly and he could now tuck his freshly straightned hair into his socks did nothing to slow the porters down when they tightened the straps on the straight jacket.
Looking down now at the plans spread out before him, he couldn't help wondering if perhaps he should have sought a second, or even a third opinion.
Trev stared at him over the top of his half moon spectacles as they slid still furthur down his nose. "Well, don't stand on ceremony. What do you think?"
John allowed this thoght to mull over in his mind for several minutes before answering. He had learnt it wasn't always best to be honest, but humouring Trev was usually a good thing.
"Your starter for 10. What does it run on?"
"Ah, now this is the clever bit. Most rockets run on a mixture of fuels, as does this, but i have managed to tweak the fuel mix in such a way that it will get us to the moon without a refueling stop."
"Handy that. But i hope you realise just how much fuel a normal rocket consumes in a single flight"
Trev looked slightly irritated at this jab on his knowledge.
"Yes, of course i do. 40000 litres on a good day"
"Quite, and where do you invisage 'filling up' exactly? My Tesco clubcard doesn't quite stretch to rocket refuelling."
"Not a problem, i have a homemade solution..."
Thoughts of Trev's last homemade solution to the problem of mould filled John's mind. It had taken several weeks to prize the door open to Trev's lab. He had claimed that it was a mixing mistake and less undiluted prune juice would ease the fizzing, and hence less bubbles. John hadn't been convinced at the time, and still wasn't sure how less prune juice was going to stop the rest of the ingredients, the likes of which included such exotic things as Sodium Teshilynate, Hydrogen Benzote, from blowing a hole in the floor the size of a three seater sofa. That little 'incident' had warranted Trev a three month holiday in Threstletons Home for the Unstable, and it wasn't nearly long enough in some people's opinion.
Join us tomorrow for the next exciting installment of Rocket, my arse! tomorrow
Have fun, and how do they manage to package all the broken biscuits at the end of the packet?
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Hmm
Well not much to report today, i just got pissed off at everything and anything that moved... need to be up early in the morning to buy some new gear for this christmas party, and i really should put the car through the car wash to make sure it looks presentable. I'll fill her up whilst im at it too, just in case, you can never be sure...
Oh well im off to eat again, and then go to bed, happy thoughts...
Oh well im off to eat again, and then go to bed, happy thoughts...
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Better now
Marvellous what a bit of sleep will do for you isn't it, well ceratinly works for me at any rate.
Mrs Trellis of North Wales writes:
'Having seen your show about folding napkins and the various uses for it, i wish to ask one especially pertinant question: About how many folds would it take for an average sized human being to succesfully implement and maintain a fully working and completely accurate version of the first airborne hydroponically fueled cheesecake making machine?'
Dear Mrs Trellis,
Wot?
Yours faithfully,
Reginald Greatworthington-Smythe
Just thought you should read the sort of nonsense that gets generated inside my daft head.
Its all good fun, especailly when it all comes together. Word of advice for you though, if its doesn't say chewable on the packet don't.
I made that mistake with a vitamin c tablet the other day.....
And i discovered the soap dispenser at work doles out coconut scented cleaning materials. What fun...except i hate coconut, and i can't get rid of the damn thing. Any ideas on how i can succesfully cleanse myself of cocout, answers on a postcard to the usual address.
'It pays to leave yourself open to opputunities'
i reckon that's sound advice, although you probably already knew that, but i bet you didn't know this - bats are immune to the smell and effects of ammonia.
Anyway im off to do something else, and then possibly something else after that, have fun.
Mrs Trellis of North Wales writes:
'Having seen your show about folding napkins and the various uses for it, i wish to ask one especially pertinant question: About how many folds would it take for an average sized human being to succesfully implement and maintain a fully working and completely accurate version of the first airborne hydroponically fueled cheesecake making machine?'
Dear Mrs Trellis,
Wot?
Yours faithfully,
Reginald Greatworthington-Smythe
Just thought you should read the sort of nonsense that gets generated inside my daft head.
Its all good fun, especailly when it all comes together. Word of advice for you though, if its doesn't say chewable on the packet don't.
I made that mistake with a vitamin c tablet the other day.....
And i discovered the soap dispenser at work doles out coconut scented cleaning materials. What fun...except i hate coconut, and i can't get rid of the damn thing. Any ideas on how i can succesfully cleanse myself of cocout, answers on a postcard to the usual address.
'It pays to leave yourself open to opputunities'
i reckon that's sound advice, although you probably already knew that, but i bet you didn't know this - bats are immune to the smell and effects of ammonia.
Anyway im off to do something else, and then possibly something else after that, have fun.
Depression
yes it's official im depressed, not medically confirmed but just disillusioned that nobody loves me.
Its cold outside and im all alone (sigh).
Right enough self pity time to get down to the business of the day, being daft...
Transpired today that work has a christmas party on saturday, which is only slightly after christmas but a distinction that needs to be made never the less i feel. Still not to worry i spose its a reason to socialise with fellow persons and eat free food, so you won't hear any complaints from this direction.
Todays punchline minus the joke is - "ever since that incident with the cue ball, he's had to measure everything since"
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
Hopefully i won't feel quite so shit tomorrow after i've got more sleep than the lowly 6 hours i managed last night, far too much pes4 which Dougal will testify is one very good piece of software.
If you haven't come here via the interlink off dougal blog then let me scold you very harshly and ask you to stand.
Those of you standing can sit, and those who aren't can't.
Visit http://jigglingjohn.blogspot.com to read the anguished posts of one of our education systems finest student's. Albeit at aston.
Must dash, cornflakes to eat.
Its cold outside and im all alone (sigh).
Right enough self pity time to get down to the business of the day, being daft...
Transpired today that work has a christmas party on saturday, which is only slightly after christmas but a distinction that needs to be made never the less i feel. Still not to worry i spose its a reason to socialise with fellow persons and eat free food, so you won't hear any complaints from this direction.
Todays punchline minus the joke is - "ever since that incident with the cue ball, he's had to measure everything since"
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
Hopefully i won't feel quite so shit tomorrow after i've got more sleep than the lowly 6 hours i managed last night, far too much pes4 which Dougal will testify is one very good piece of software.
If you haven't come here via the interlink off dougal blog then let me scold you very harshly and ask you to stand.
Those of you standing can sit, and those who aren't can't.
Visit http://jigglingjohn.blogspot.com to read the anguished posts of one of our education systems finest student's. Albeit at aston.
Must dash, cornflakes to eat.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Day Seven
Well got a strange email today apparently from the official playstation forums, although upon furthur investigation it seems everybody got it...
So thats a funny one, not to worry though
Portable dvd players caught my eye today until i realised the price of a decent one... so ive popped that idea at the end of my list of things to buy, behind the Isle of Wight and half a cheese mine.
Its all a bit strange and may well be worth looking at. Dunno what but worth a squint at.
Ah well, time for more food, and then watch naf tele and then nod off and get me barnet clipped tomorrow morning, so i've actually got to get out of bed. (sigh)
Dear MrBrightside, This email is to inform you that our administrators have suspended your rights to submit new posts on the PlayStation.com Forums.This suspension is due to the use of excessive swearing and strong language in your posts and the inclusion of links to sites that contain offensive content in your posts and will remain in effect until Friday, 14th January 2005. Please note that any future breach of the Forum rules will most likely result in a lifetime ban. If you're unsure of what is or is not acceptable on these Forums, please read the ‘House Rules’, a link to which can be found below and at the bottom of every Forum page.House Rules:Regards The PlayStation.com Team.
So thats a funny one, not to worry though
Portable dvd players caught my eye today until i realised the price of a decent one... so ive popped that idea at the end of my list of things to buy, behind the Isle of Wight and half a cheese mine.
Its all a bit strange and may well be worth looking at. Dunno what but worth a squint at.
Ah well, time for more food, and then watch naf tele and then nod off and get me barnet clipped tomorrow morning, so i've actually got to get out of bed. (sigh)
Monday, January 10, 2005
Day Six
I dunno what happened to day five, i think i slept through it. Either that or i forgot to wake up.
Derren Brown, one of those people that amazes and does it so easily that you suddenly realise that you are amazed and consequently you have to watch it again.
Today was another stunningly boring day at work, and the tedium of society can easily be aided by the playing of certain video games, i.e. Pro Evolution Soccer 4, World Rally Championship 4, and possibly other such sequels with 4 on the end.
Strange how movie sequels seem to get worse, and yet games for some reason improve with progression. Must be something to do with the fact that dropping cesium into a bathtub filled with water blows the tub in two. Quite a reaction compared to rubidium, which just knocks a hole in the side of said tub.
Did you realise you can make petrol out of hemp? Although hemp is related to marijuana, its not actually possible to get high from smoking it, according to various sources. Hemp is very versatile, and you can make many things out of it, the only disadvantage to this wonderful plant is the actual harvesting process. It is damned hard work apparently. Suggestions for hemp usage on a postcard, the best answers will be passed on to year 5 of St. Mary's Primary school, and they will proceed to colour them in. The very best suggestions will be recreated in solid marble and exhibited in the mightly Crystal Palace Exhibition Centre.
Its really not for us to reason why, and if there's one thing you really should remember its this - You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
Story's and characters are entirely fictitious and any resembalance to any persons living or dead is entirly coincedental, unless of course it isn't, in which case you will now forget everything you have just read or will read in the near future.
Derren Brown, one of those people that amazes and does it so easily that you suddenly realise that you are amazed and consequently you have to watch it again.
Today was another stunningly boring day at work, and the tedium of society can easily be aided by the playing of certain video games, i.e. Pro Evolution Soccer 4, World Rally Championship 4, and possibly other such sequels with 4 on the end.
Strange how movie sequels seem to get worse, and yet games for some reason improve with progression. Must be something to do with the fact that dropping cesium into a bathtub filled with water blows the tub in two. Quite a reaction compared to rubidium, which just knocks a hole in the side of said tub.
Did you realise you can make petrol out of hemp? Although hemp is related to marijuana, its not actually possible to get high from smoking it, according to various sources. Hemp is very versatile, and you can make many things out of it, the only disadvantage to this wonderful plant is the actual harvesting process. It is damned hard work apparently. Suggestions for hemp usage on a postcard, the best answers will be passed on to year 5 of St. Mary's Primary school, and they will proceed to colour them in. The very best suggestions will be recreated in solid marble and exhibited in the mightly Crystal Palace Exhibition Centre.
Its really not for us to reason why, and if there's one thing you really should remember its this - You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
Story's and characters are entirely fictitious and any resembalance to any persons living or dead is entirly coincedental, unless of course it isn't, in which case you will now forget everything you have just read or will read in the near future.
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Day Four
Well last night was a waste of blinkin time and effort, blowing a howling gale and could i nod off? er no. Took me until 5 to get to sleep and then i woke up at 10, typical...
Hmm well i think washing ps2 discs does work, answers on a postcard if you think otherwise, always seems to work for me.
Well i'm far too tired to think of any sillyness so i'll report back in tomorrow
Hmm well i think washing ps2 discs does work, answers on a postcard if you think otherwise, always seems to work for me.
Well i'm far too tired to think of any sillyness so i'll report back in tomorrow
Friday, January 07, 2005
Day Three
Gripped! Sorted!
Anyway, its all in the wrist action. Although this wouldn't wash when it comes to choosing a paint scheme for your pheasant shed. Phesants, and grouse, smashing birds, especially when hit by the force of several shotgun pellets.
Shrews, hell if i know where that came from. Lets all stare out the window and wonder what might have been, and what could have happened if you hadn't chosen the path you took. How do we know we chose the right path when we are presented with more than one choice. Simple answer to this is we don't, we are all unique and the way we interpret things is not the same as other people. Crowd's of people can throw a spanner in the works when it comes to making your own decisions, although we don't like to do it the "sheep" factor can come into play and we can all follow everybody else's train of thought and belief.
There are those who believe that fate has foretold the future for all of us, and our paths are predefined and not changeable, and whatver path you choose will be the one already chosen for you by fate. There are many things that we can as humans can think about that other animals do not worry about, should this concern us? Probably not although if you feel the need to wonder about how tiddles thinks and dreams, then do feel free to do this. Answers on a postcard.
When you are thoroughly depressed with everything and your brain hurts its worth remembering this - nothing you can do can change the past, remember to be individual and unique, its your life and your thoughts, there is nothing you need to do you don't want to, and you never need to explain yourself to others, remain postive and let things wash over you if you don't like or approve of them. Follow these simple steps and you too can look like Geoffrey from rainbow! (Requires four token's from special packs of crumpets)
Ah woffle, its all piffle and tosh. Still, worth thinking about though eh...
Anyway, its all in the wrist action. Although this wouldn't wash when it comes to choosing a paint scheme for your pheasant shed. Phesants, and grouse, smashing birds, especially when hit by the force of several shotgun pellets.
Shrews, hell if i know where that came from. Lets all stare out the window and wonder what might have been, and what could have happened if you hadn't chosen the path you took. How do we know we chose the right path when we are presented with more than one choice. Simple answer to this is we don't, we are all unique and the way we interpret things is not the same as other people. Crowd's of people can throw a spanner in the works when it comes to making your own decisions, although we don't like to do it the "sheep" factor can come into play and we can all follow everybody else's train of thought and belief.
There are those who believe that fate has foretold the future for all of us, and our paths are predefined and not changeable, and whatver path you choose will be the one already chosen for you by fate. There are many things that we can as humans can think about that other animals do not worry about, should this concern us? Probably not although if you feel the need to wonder about how tiddles thinks and dreams, then do feel free to do this. Answers on a postcard.
When you are thoroughly depressed with everything and your brain hurts its worth remembering this - nothing you can do can change the past, remember to be individual and unique, its your life and your thoughts, there is nothing you need to do you don't want to, and you never need to explain yourself to others, remain postive and let things wash over you if you don't like or approve of them. Follow these simple steps and you too can look like Geoffrey from rainbow! (Requires four token's from special packs of crumpets)
Ah woffle, its all piffle and tosh. Still, worth thinking about though eh...
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Day Two
You'll be pleased to learn that my rant of yesterday has finished and henceforce no further rants shall spew forth, not just yet at any rate.
If you're feeling bored why not try this fun and free activity.
Step 1: Grab a torch, any source of illumination will do although a lighter may be a little frustating as you will discover shortly
Step 2: Get an office swivel chair so you can spin around at lunacy speed.
Step 3: Turn torch on, spin and have fun imitating a lighthouse.
(We cannot be held responsible for any ships that you may lure off course or any vomit that you may produce as a result of being very very very dizzy)
Check back soon for more ideas of things to do when you're bored.
If you can come up with the joke that this punchline goes to then you can wave your head out the window - "Axe wound, fish farm"
I may well let you in on the joke if i'm feeling nice....
If you're feeling bored why not try this fun and free activity.
Step 1: Grab a torch, any source of illumination will do although a lighter may be a little frustating as you will discover shortly
Step 2: Get an office swivel chair so you can spin around at lunacy speed.
Step 3: Turn torch on, spin and have fun imitating a lighthouse.
(We cannot be held responsible for any ships that you may lure off course or any vomit that you may produce as a result of being very very very dizzy)
Check back soon for more ideas of things to do when you're bored.
If you can come up with the joke that this punchline goes to then you can wave your head out the window - "Axe wound, fish farm"
I may well let you in on the joke if i'm feeling nice....
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Day One
Hmm well today saw the complete disinterest in Half Life 2, which started out as a promising endevour into a nice pretty shiny world of polygons and physics, and has ended up as a boring look at the biggest waste of time so far this year.
Yes i admit the physics are worth a look, dropping a breeze block onto a bottle and watching it smash is interesting the first three times you do it, then the physics become tedious and just not any fun anymore. The texturing of walls is appaling close up and for such a widely applauded game engine is beyond a joke. Hmm a smeary wall, they won't notice that they'll be to busy wandering down the most linear game ever released. Hmm where should i go next, i know ill go down here...oh no i can't there's a blue energy shield, which trains can seem to pass through but i can't. So i guess i'll have to go down the only opening available to me which has people in it which take two bullets to the head to stop. Er, righto. Another thing thats annoying is swimming, for heavens sake i can hold my breath underwater longer than Mr Freeman can, and i've got the lung capacity of a asthmatic gerbil.
Next the story, what story i hear you cry, i agree wholeheartedly, it's so full of holes you can drop Mr freeman himself through some of them. Perhaps its because i got so fed up after about 10 minutes playing and didn't actually complete this peice of sofa fluff, that i am left with so many questions, but still, im not really in the frame of mind to give any more thought to the badly scripted and thoroughly worthless "story".
I play a game for fun, perhaps im sad, perhaps i shouldn't play so many games, perhaps i should play more games, perhaps i shouldn't give up so easily, perhaps i should, perhaps i shoudln't be so harsh on what plainly has taken valve many years to put together and really wasn't worth the bother, nor the expense. They seem to have been so preoccupied with antipiracy measures that the game was bolted on almost as an afterthought. The antipiracy measures failed by the way, just in case you were wondering.
I never completed the original which also bored me, so perhaps im not qualified to slag this one off, but in real honesty i think i am. If a game is rolled out with such high acclaim you know in the back of your mind its not going to be as good as they say. Here i think i can quite easily draw the conclusion "pretty graphics a good game doth not make"
Final thought - Coconuts may be more useful than we think
Yes i admit the physics are worth a look, dropping a breeze block onto a bottle and watching it smash is interesting the first three times you do it, then the physics become tedious and just not any fun anymore. The texturing of walls is appaling close up and for such a widely applauded game engine is beyond a joke. Hmm a smeary wall, they won't notice that they'll be to busy wandering down the most linear game ever released. Hmm where should i go next, i know ill go down here...oh no i can't there's a blue energy shield, which trains can seem to pass through but i can't. So i guess i'll have to go down the only opening available to me which has people in it which take two bullets to the head to stop. Er, righto. Another thing thats annoying is swimming, for heavens sake i can hold my breath underwater longer than Mr Freeman can, and i've got the lung capacity of a asthmatic gerbil.
Next the story, what story i hear you cry, i agree wholeheartedly, it's so full of holes you can drop Mr freeman himself through some of them. Perhaps its because i got so fed up after about 10 minutes playing and didn't actually complete this peice of sofa fluff, that i am left with so many questions, but still, im not really in the frame of mind to give any more thought to the badly scripted and thoroughly worthless "story".
I play a game for fun, perhaps im sad, perhaps i shouldn't play so many games, perhaps i should play more games, perhaps i shouldn't give up so easily, perhaps i should, perhaps i shoudln't be so harsh on what plainly has taken valve many years to put together and really wasn't worth the bother, nor the expense. They seem to have been so preoccupied with antipiracy measures that the game was bolted on almost as an afterthought. The antipiracy measures failed by the way, just in case you were wondering.
I never completed the original which also bored me, so perhaps im not qualified to slag this one off, but in real honesty i think i am. If a game is rolled out with such high acclaim you know in the back of your mind its not going to be as good as they say. Here i think i can quite easily draw the conclusion "pretty graphics a good game doth not make"
Final thought - Coconuts may be more useful than we think
The start of something even I may not be able to control
Well as the right honourable Dougal has now got his own blog on society I though it may well be time to start jotting down some of my madness and thoughts on life and the many things in it.
Over the next several minutes you may well drop off, don't be alarmed this is quite natural when first reading mindless nonsense. Eventually after many attempts at reading, the text may start to make sense. At this point its probably best not to mention this, and just to carry on and pretend nothing has changed. Alarmingly no study has shown any of this to be true, and is pure conjecture on the part of the reader, so anything you or anybody else makes out of this nonsense is copyright of the respective owner and may not be reproduced without express written consent of yourself.
There, now the formalities are complete, check back tomorrow to see just how little my life and the things in it have changed.
Over the next several minutes you may well drop off, don't be alarmed this is quite natural when first reading mindless nonsense. Eventually after many attempts at reading, the text may start to make sense. At this point its probably best not to mention this, and just to carry on and pretend nothing has changed. Alarmingly no study has shown any of this to be true, and is pure conjecture on the part of the reader, so anything you or anybody else makes out of this nonsense is copyright of the respective owner and may not be reproduced without express written consent of yourself.
There, now the formalities are complete, check back tomorrow to see just how little my life and the things in it have changed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)