Bit early

I would have posted this last night, but the bloody website wasn't working, ee's straining at the pulpit, straining i say Brian, straining....

Right, the purpose of this visit is just to impart three things to you, cos im good like that.

1: I have invented a term for a certain type of weather. This type is "Dog's Nose", and can be used thus "It's a bit Dog's Nose out at the minute".

Now you are sitting there thingking, dog's nose? what the hell is he on about? Simple really, a dog's nose is cold and wet, and perfectly sums up the same type of weather.

2: A small joke i was told today, a very old one no doubt but it had me going.

What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his arse? A Taffy-Apple!!

hahaha...............oh dear..........well i thought it was good

3: And finally, to finish off, something you might want to say to yourself to cheer you up a bit on a dog's nose day. In a strong german/belgian/austrain accent repeat the following and imagine a klaxon going off as well in the background

"Warnung!!! Warnung!!!! Chesty-waren booby floppen!!"

you can add "Meine dashund mit ze flatten" if you wish, its entirely up to you

And with that im gone. Keep taking the pills son, keep taking them

Who's idea was this then?

XP is a funny fucker, I swear. Yesterday the beast was refusing to boot, at all, ever. Nothing. Zip. No BSOD, just sits there staring at me with a blank expression on its silly face. So I thought, right, you there, have a format. Sadly I needed some files off me hdd, and with it not booting there was not a chance in hell of that happening, so I thought, ahh I'll do a repair so I can boot up into it, copy all me files off, then do a proper format and get back to a nice clean XP.

Errrrr no, refused to get past 34%, installing devices, sit, stare, hdd stops chuntering, all goes deathly quiet.... darn, right, restart.

Setup is restarting, goooooooooood away we go then, sit stare, quiet. Bugger, a swift google reveals that this is usually down to some hardware going pop, fiss, smoke and windows can't identify it and stops. Ok.... which bit has gone bang then? Removed card after card after card, disabled everything I could lay my sweaty mits on in the BIOS and no, XP still wasn't having any of it.

More googling reveals it may be a CD drive or hdd that's failed. CD and DVD I don't mind, I get a bit twitchy when hdd's start going clunk behind my back though. So I disabled first one drive, then the other keeping one going for the XP installation, nothing. Unplugged my second hdd, nothing. Bugger this I thought, there's only one other thing it can be, and that's the first hdd, and that's not clunking so I refuse to believe its that.

Plugged everything back in, enabled all the gubbins back in the BIOS and went to bed, confused, annoyed and rather upset XP had managed to beat me.

Got up this morning and turned the computer on, restarted setup from scratch and errr it works... still a repair jobby though, not a full format, just so I can grab me files off. Blasted thing. God I love XP. (mutter)

Almost Recovered

After a week off work, cos I managed to catch the lurgy, despite my best efforts to not get it, and felt quite ill all week, and managed to lose my voice on Thursday and am just about getting it back now. Just the cough to get rid of then...

I managed to find a game that's even sadder than the previous "top rated sad game ever" that I had before. This one involves having a tank of fish and then breeding them and selling them to make more money for more fish. Sad really, but it's keeping me amused for the weekend and throughout next week no doubt.

Back to work tomorrow as I'm feeling a bit better now, just have to see how the cough goes, although I am taking steps to clear it up. Bizarrely enough, actually getting out the house is good for my chest, which seems weird, but its true.

Never mind, I'm going to get back to me fish...

Flying Giraffes

Today saw me snivelling like a street urchin who's been left out in the rain too long. A quick trip down to tesco and several pounds later i returned with some vicks spray for me nose, sudafed's also for my nose and fever, and some lip balm for my split lips. Split i hasten to add from being way too dry, not cos i had a fight.

I had a quick look around for some photoshop tutorials as well, and managed to find out how to add water to the lens of a photo, which is a nice effect, useless, but nice. I like to try and keep meself chief photoshop beard if at all possible.

Also i came across the strangest lyric i have ever heard in a song today.

" if i had myself a flying giraffe
you'd have one in a box with a window"

Fair enough i thought. Never mind, im off to get some rest and listen to some Snow Patrol before i go. Speaking of them, they also have a cracking lyric in their song "run"

" To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye's
I nearly do"

Very poignant. Well i thought so anyway.
Blast my dripping nose, off to bed i think

Dreams make the world go round

They certainly do if they involve a big stick and a solar system, but anyway i would like to share with you a rather strange and yet interesting dream i had the other night.

It started off with me peering round the net and browsing the forums as you do, and meeting a bird on there who wished to meet up with me in the middle of Lichfield. For some reason when i went outside it was a summer's day and i duly went down in me t-shirt.

Upon reaching the middle of lichfield i met this bird, who for some strange reason was of foreign origin, but had a 'semi-skimmed' look about her, not unattractive per say but not exactly the type of girl you'd be heading for in a crowd either. After the pleasantries are over and done with im standing there wondering how i can tell her to bugger off in the nicest possible way, when all over a sudden she says "Right then, im off to get our engagement rings, back in a bit".

Completely flabbergasted by this statement, she has dived off into the nearest jewellers and left me staring into space and wondering how the hell i got into this mess. Things aren't over yet, oh no, who should turn up next but Dougal in a big white transit van. Pulling up alongside me, he leans out the window and says "hop in son, we've got business" (i dunno why, it doesn't sound like something he would say, but say it he did). Needless to say, i didn't need asking twice, and lept in the passenger seat. We went literally 10 feet furthur down the street to yet another jewellers and Dougal backed the van up to the front door and got out. i followed suit and met him round the back of the van, as he was opening the doors of the van and then walked into the shop. "There's some pallets of orange i want in here" he said walking through the shop to the room at the back.

Don't ask me why, but the shop was completely empty, i don't just mean of people, i mean of everything, it was just an empty room, but looked perfectly normal from the outside. All the people wandering past pay no attention as we hurl cases and cases of orange squash into the back of the van. Next thing i find is there is a police man staring in through the door, "What you two doing then?". Im shitting meself at this point thinking, bugger! Caught redhanded. Dougal meanwhile calmly replies with "Shifting the last of this stock out me shop mate, fancy giving us a hand?". The copper turns back and looks outside before stepping backwards and looking at the name plate above the window of the shop "Robert Jewellers & Son".

"You're Robert then?"

"Yes mate"

"You won't mind me ringing the number on this sign then and asking whoever picks up if they know anything about this?"

"Not at all, you go right ahead"

The copper disappears back to his car to make the said phonecall, to which Dougal says "Enough's enough, back in the van, we go now". "ok" i replied and back in we get, Dougal floors it and bombs off down the street.

Don't ask me why but i suddenly said "What about me missus?". "Where is she?" "Back that way...". He looks straight at me, and says "How do i turn this thing round then?" and in a moment of complete clarity i say "Speed up a bit, and then yank the wheel round when i say so". He prods the accelerator and i ready me hand on the handbrake. "Turn!!", and as he did so i yanked the handbrake on, and as we spun round i yelled "Stick it in first gear and floor it!" which to his credit he duly did, and then i woke up.

Being a dream there were other bits intermingled as well, such as the bit where i was at old trafford with me dad and we are singing away, which we don't usually do, and all the other fans are singing too, so the complete stadium is in perfect unison, and all the away fans leave.

However you chop and change between these two places and don't think anything of it at the time, only when you wake up do you suddenly realise that you've actually had two dreams at the same time. Then it strikes you just how weird they were as well...

I hope you have as entertaining dreams as i do, they certainly liven up the sleeping bit of our lives.

Have fun, don't work too hard, and remember to wash under the rim