This week must be a good week for sketches, here's another i thought up whilst in the shower.
"Patricia and Betty Visit Germany"
Narrator: Prior to 1990 the inhabitants of the small country of Germany did not have a word for 'yes'. The usual response to a question in the affirmative was a nod of the head or a grunt of a positive nature. This was all soon to change following a visitation to the country by two residents of the British Isles, Patricia and Betty.
On a day out sightseeing around Hamburg, they were sitting on a bench trying to decide what to view next.
Betty: Shall we go and peer at the museum bab?
Patricia: Yes very well, come along
Narrator: And away they went. On the way to the museum they were approached by a young German gentleman who was a little lost.
German bloke: Excuse me, is zis ze way to ze museum?
Narrator: At this stage both women spoke at once, Patricia responded with a "Yes it is" and Betty returned with "Arrrrrrr", and a furious nod of the head. As Betty was slightly slower than Patricia to the mark, the German chap heard "Y..Arrrrrrr" and saw Betty nodding and put the two together as a new word he could use for 'Yes', and so the German word for 'yes' was born, and soon spread throughout the entire country and is still used to this day.
So when you next see a German chap you can rest safe in the knowledge that Ja came from the British, although the spelling was somewhat lost in translation.
--End--
And there you have it, simple yet bang on.
Try not to kick yourself too hard as you try to work out why you didn't get there first :)
Good day
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sketch? I can't even draw...
After a short break in the wilderness i feel it is time to jot down a few ideas for sketches i have had this past day, a most productive day by all accounts.
Do bear in mind that these sketches do involves characters in costume and with rather distinctive accents, so some of that will be lost across the medium of text.
The first character on the list is Dr. Yes, a mad eccentric old fool, complete with dickybow and hedge-dragged-through-backwards hair. His particular nuance is the ability to answer any question in the universe with "Yeeeessssss.......yeessss i spose it would/spose it is/should say it does etc etc" and look wistfully off into the distance whilst doing so, whilst the interviewer cannot get anymore information of of him whatsoever. He will keep repeating the yeesss though, so as to prevent the sketch from just becoming a "who's line is it next" type of affair, cos i can't stand quiet bits.
Second of all we have the irish kid, who seems to be doing some ill mannered things. Imagine the scene if you can, wooden kitchen table with an old woman (Mrs O'Flannerty) at one end and a 14 year old kid (Dermot) sitting nearby with a catchy woollen number perched atop his head, and a blank look upon his face. All following dialogue must be read in an irish accent to be appreciated, so it should.
"You're a wastleful monkey Dermot my lad, so you are. Never have i met such impudence from a little boy such as yourself. Did your mother not teach you any manners whatsoever?"
"That she did, Mrs O'Flannerty, she did at that"
"Then where are they now? You've had the impudence to wear a hat indoors, burp at the table and blaspheme at the cat when it leapt on your head, I don't call those manners"
"Ah well now, let me just grab me list..."
"List? What list is this?"
"Me list of manner's me mother taught me, i've got it just here in me arse pocket"
"Well lets see it lad, no sense in keeping it locked away"
"Right so, first off on me list of things not to do and bad mannerisms is
1: Never sneeze with your flies open
2: When sitting down to eat, don't dribble on the condiments
3: Never use a teabag for more than one year
4: Don't stare at people, it makes you look thick
5: Don't play with yourself in public, always invite others to play with you
and finally one me brother imparted to me, "Never sneeze, cough, burp and fart at the same time, cos the internal pressure will blow your belly button inside out"
Sketch ends with a rather shocked expression on woman's face.
Now the final sketch i can't really impart to the virtual paper, cos it really doesn't have the same effect without the accent, and i've no idea what accent it is, sort of an 'innit' london accent and slightly gay to boot. Well worth asking me about if you see me around and i can still remember it though.
Anyway, far too late to be thinking about such things, i'm off to bed, and you really should to if you know what's good for you
Do bear in mind that these sketches do involves characters in costume and with rather distinctive accents, so some of that will be lost across the medium of text.
The first character on the list is Dr. Yes, a mad eccentric old fool, complete with dickybow and hedge-dragged-through-backwards hair. His particular nuance is the ability to answer any question in the universe with "Yeeeessssss.......yeessss i spose it would/spose it is/should say it does etc etc" and look wistfully off into the distance whilst doing so, whilst the interviewer cannot get anymore information of of him whatsoever. He will keep repeating the yeesss though, so as to prevent the sketch from just becoming a "who's line is it next" type of affair, cos i can't stand quiet bits.
Second of all we have the irish kid, who seems to be doing some ill mannered things. Imagine the scene if you can, wooden kitchen table with an old woman (Mrs O'Flannerty) at one end and a 14 year old kid (Dermot) sitting nearby with a catchy woollen number perched atop his head, and a blank look upon his face. All following dialogue must be read in an irish accent to be appreciated, so it should.
"You're a wastleful monkey Dermot my lad, so you are. Never have i met such impudence from a little boy such as yourself. Did your mother not teach you any manners whatsoever?"
"That she did, Mrs O'Flannerty, she did at that"
"Then where are they now? You've had the impudence to wear a hat indoors, burp at the table and blaspheme at the cat when it leapt on your head, I don't call those manners"
"Ah well now, let me just grab me list..."
"List? What list is this?"
"Me list of manner's me mother taught me, i've got it just here in me arse pocket"
"Well lets see it lad, no sense in keeping it locked away"
"Right so, first off on me list of things not to do and bad mannerisms is
1: Never sneeze with your flies open
2: When sitting down to eat, don't dribble on the condiments
3: Never use a teabag for more than one year
4: Don't stare at people, it makes you look thick
5: Don't play with yourself in public, always invite others to play with you
and finally one me brother imparted to me, "Never sneeze, cough, burp and fart at the same time, cos the internal pressure will blow your belly button inside out"
Sketch ends with a rather shocked expression on woman's face.
Now the final sketch i can't really impart to the virtual paper, cos it really doesn't have the same effect without the accent, and i've no idea what accent it is, sort of an 'innit' london accent and slightly gay to boot. Well worth asking me about if you see me around and i can still remember it though.
Anyway, far too late to be thinking about such things, i'm off to bed, and you really should to if you know what's good for you
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Time Team, and the stock and shares market...
And now for all the Time Team fans out there, or just for people who know anything about Time Team at all, here is a little picture to brighten your day
In other news it would seem Dougal has buckled under a bit of pressure and spent more money than he needed to on a new camera. Its a good'un though. Still makes me wonder if i'm the only person in the british isles with any sort of self restraint though...
A slight delve into the idea of investing in the stock market is greeted with a crestfallen expression, as i read that its not an easy game, and not for those looking to make a quick quid, but ever the curious, I shall be investing some pounds once I have returned from dubai, and have a bit of spare cash floating around. If all goes well I could soon be having lots of dubai holiday and not stopping in the cheap suites.
Does make you wonder what you'd do if you could find a nice way of making lots of money really quickly, and manage to sustain the income. What would you buy?
Im off to think about things and read up some more on the stock market and how not to lose all your money on the first attempt
In other news it would seem Dougal has buckled under a bit of pressure and spent more money than he needed to on a new camera. Its a good'un though. Still makes me wonder if i'm the only person in the british isles with any sort of self restraint though...
A slight delve into the idea of investing in the stock market is greeted with a crestfallen expression, as i read that its not an easy game, and not for those looking to make a quick quid, but ever the curious, I shall be investing some pounds once I have returned from dubai, and have a bit of spare cash floating around. If all goes well I could soon be having lots of dubai holiday and not stopping in the cheap suites.
Does make you wonder what you'd do if you could find a nice way of making lots of money really quickly, and manage to sustain the income. What would you buy?
Im off to think about things and read up some more on the stock market and how not to lose all your money on the first attempt
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Pro Evo 5? haha, its a mysterious beast
Well saturday saw me off to old trafford again to watch Man United vs Fulham, in which there were 5 goals scored in the first half, and the match ended up 4-2 to Man United, which pleased me no end.
Didn't get back till 9 though, due to it being a 17:15 kickoff. Silly times, they shouldn't do any later than 4:05, but i know its all to do with the TV coverage, and sky have the final word if they want to.
Today saw me toddling off to amuse Dougal for the evening, although with the amount of road's being closed, its more of a lottery as to how long its gonna take to get anywhere. Still, I managed to get there eventually.
Following a bit of Pes 5, its a completely different experience playing a human player than it is playing a cpu opponent, and sufficed to say, Dougal was a bit miffed as i pressed many keys and beat him comprehensively for the first two matches. He won the last one, but it took until penalties to settle it.
A complete turnaround when it came to the pool/snooker games, as i was completely thrashed at that. Never mind though, i'll get him back...
Have fun, and try not to do anything related to work
Didn't get back till 9 though, due to it being a 17:15 kickoff. Silly times, they shouldn't do any later than 4:05, but i know its all to do with the TV coverage, and sky have the final word if they want to.
Today saw me toddling off to amuse Dougal for the evening, although with the amount of road's being closed, its more of a lottery as to how long its gonna take to get anywhere. Still, I managed to get there eventually.
Following a bit of Pes 5, its a completely different experience playing a human player than it is playing a cpu opponent, and sufficed to say, Dougal was a bit miffed as i pressed many keys and beat him comprehensively for the first two matches. He won the last one, but it took until penalties to settle it.
A complete turnaround when it came to the pool/snooker games, as i was completely thrashed at that. Never mind though, i'll get him back...
Have fun, and try not to do anything related to work
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
The Discovery Channel is great
Simply because you can learn all sorts of rubbish to bore your fellow human beings with at some later date.
It would appear that professional photography is probably not for me, and i'll be sticking to taking some holiday snaps with my little ixus. Bought a second battery for me little holiday though, due to the fact i'll be taking loads of photos to savour the experience of the whole affair.
Aside from that its been a quiet few days, so nothing to report really.
It would appear that professional photography is probably not for me, and i'll be sticking to taking some holiday snaps with my little ixus. Bought a second battery for me little holiday though, due to the fact i'll be taking loads of photos to savour the experience of the whole affair.
Aside from that its been a quiet few days, so nothing to report really.
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