Playstation 3 sir? Don't mind if i do...

Yes indeed, i was one of the sad people that ordered the playstation 3 for the launch date, mass spending abound, what with my new television to enjoy it on as well...

Having hooked it up with the mighty HDMI cable, for full High Def pleasure and sensory orgasm, i sat back and turned it on. Having filled out the required basic setup (what language do i speak, name, time, date etc etc) all was going wonderfully, and in all, i can't find fault with it. All these nay sayers who dismiss the ps3 as overly complicated and too powerful for its own good have obviously been inhaling the fumes of the adhesive variety. It is damn heavy though, and slightly on the large side, but heavy is good, heavy is sign of reliability, if it does not work, you can always hit him with it. As someone once famously said...

Complicated my derrière, its as easy as prodding a few buttons and watching the smile break across your face. The wireless controller is stunningly light, and has everything in exactly the same place as the old ps2 controller, so those familiar with that won't have any problems whatsoever in getting to grips with it, although the R2 and L2 trigger buttons have been redesigned for some reason or other and feel very rubbery, although im sure with time it will become second nature to bounce your fingers off them just as you did on the old buttons. One lovely feature that must be mentioned is the magical Playstation button in the middle of the controller. This marvellous brainwave button allows you to turn the console on and off without having to touch the actual console at all. It also allows you to turn the controller off, thus saving precious power, and will also tell you how much charge you have left in the pad, so you won't be reaching for the usb lead until you absolutely have to.

I have yet to fully test out the ps3 capabilities, as i have not got a 1080p tv, nor do i possess a BluRay disc, but dvd's play superbly, albeit a little noisily due to the hdmi being so damn precise, but the built in noise reduction options of the ps3 and my tele soon sorted that little problem out, and i watched the modern "War of the Worlds" film without a problem.

I have only one game at the moment, "Resistance:Fall of Man" so game playing tests can't exactly be conclusive at present, although as shooters go, bugger me its good, hard in places but damn good, and graphically stunning. Those in the know will recall that the ps3 graphics chip is the nvidia 7950GTX, exactly the same as you can buy for your home pc, not as powerful as the 360's ATI effort, but to be fair to it, its not lagging too far behind at present. Interesting to see how the graphics develop throughout the consoles lifespan though, most consoles tend to enjoy their best graphics toward the end of the span, as developers wring the last little drops of performance out the hardware, so we shall see...

I hope i haven't bored you too intensely with my waffle, and if i have, then tough, you read it...
I shall end with a couple of rather amusing jokes.

What do you call 100 nuns in a shop?
A Virgin Megastore

And finally this one, its long, but stick with it, it's worth it...

A german man was on holiday in America, and decided that he needed the attentions of a hooker. Pulling his rental car over to one, he leaned out the window and said

"I vant to have sex vis you"

The hooker replied "No problem, i charge $100 an hour"

"Ja, dis ist gut, however, i must warn you, i am ze little bit kinky"

"Not a problem, i can do kinky"

And off they go back to his hotel room. Whence they arrive he presents her with four bed springs and a duck caller, "You vill tie zees bedsprings to your hands unt knees"

She does this, a little confused, but intrigued never the less. When she has done this she is told "You vill put ze duck caller into your mouth, and blow it vhilst i am ravishing you from behind"

She duly does this, and enjoy an hour of bouncing round the room, quacking away as loudly as she can, whilst enjoying the best sex she has ever had in her life.

When it finally ends, she is exhausted, but very satisfied, and enquires of the german "That was fantastic, but what's with all the equipment?"

To which he replies

"Zat is the Four Sprung Duck Technique"


See, i told you it was worth it!